How to be a "New Girl"

Confession – this was a blog post I started several months ago, but then my sister Marley (who has been a new girl a few more times than I have) wrote a post on her tips for making friends in a new location. Since many of you read both our blogs, I didn’t want to be redundant  so I held off on finishing and publishing my post.

I've been a new girl several times before in my life...and sometimes I have been better at it than others. Along the way, I have learned a few tips that help you settle in, make friends and feel at home more quickly.  I probably did the "new girl" phase best in Jackson. I hated my first couple months in town (even though I spent most of my growing up years in the big J, most of my friends had since moved) but committed myself to jumping in. Within the year, Jackson was home and I had a great group of pals, a wonderful church home, a fun apartment and roomie and a sense of involvement in the community.  I tried to apply the same "dive in" plan here in DC and it took awhile (maybe a bit longer than Jackson) but I (we) feel at home in DC now.

Jackson, MS

Washington, DC

(PS I had no reason to post these pics except for the fact that they are 

the last two places I moved and made friends...oh, and I think they 

are both very pretty cities, aren't they? Love both my "homes")

8 Tips for Being the New Girl

(1)    Get involved in community immediately and stay involved even when it’s awkward.  Join a running group, charity, church, political group or alum group. Don’t just go to church, but join a Bible Study or Community Group or get involved in a ministry (Becoming involved in church activities is extra beneficial – you are likely growing spiritually, not just socially, and you are not only making friends, but making like minded friends who share your faith and beliefs! Bonus!) Prepare yourself now for the fact that it will be awkward at times– there will be times when it is uncomfortable to walk into church, Bible Study, Young Republicans, Junior League (insert whatever you are involved with here) and mingle. There will be times when you make small talk yet again or sit alone and feel lonely. Keep pressing on. Each time you go, you will likely know one more person. If you try to get involved in a community or group and find that it's not the place for you, then replace that group fairly quickly. Getting plugged in helps you make friends, feel involved and stay busy -- so you don't stay at home lonely!

(2)    Almost always say yes for the first several months.  Seriously, if you are new, you should be saying YES 80-90 percent of the time. if someone invites you to dinner and you don’t have much money, go and order a salad. If someone asks you to come to happy hour and you’re tired, suck it up and go. If you can’t go for some reason, then make sure you apologize, give a reason for not being able to go (work late, previous plans, etc) and make it clear you want to get together another time (and then possibly follow up with an invite….see #3)  Telling you to always accept invitations even when you don’t feel like going may seem harsh, but it is the quickest way to establish friendships.  First of all, people are taking a risk by asking someone they don’t know well to hang out, so you want to respond positively. Second, if you are new, you are not already in any established friend groups. If you say no, there is no guarantee that others will remember to invite you in the future. Finally, if you go to a party or event, you will hopefully leave feeling like you have one or more new friends…friends who you can connect with later for dinner, drinks or a movie; friends who you can invite to hang out and friends who will hopefully continue to reach out and include you. D and I said "yes" to a camping

When I lived in Jackson, I met a girl who was new to town and said she wanted to meet new people. However, every time I invited her to do something, she said she was "tired" or "wanted a night in". (I'm not hating on "nights in", but I think you have to take less of them when you are new to town) Eventually, I quit trying so often.  I wasn’t upset, but I wasn’t going to continue to make an effort if she really wasn’t that interested in my friendship or meeting others. Whether she knew  it or not, she was sending mixed signals about whether she really did want to be included.

So, seriously, try to say yes to as many events as possible. Once you are more settled, you will have the freedom to say no -  when you are tired, busy, not interested – without the possibility of being forgotten. But for now, be prepared to stay busy!

(3)    You do the inviting.  So you met someone at a church event and had a good conversation or a work friend invited you out for happy hour which you enjoyed.... Don’t be afraid to reciprocate and invite that person to do something.  No one wants to feel like he or she has to do all the planning and inviting, so return the favor, reach out. Not only is it nice to be asked to do something, it also clearly shows you enjoyed hanging out the first time if you want to hang out again.

(4)    Find other people who are new – new to town, new to church, new to the group. New people are eager for friends too. And, sometimes it is easier to befriend others who are new because they aren’t already established with plans and friends and commitments.

(5)    Don’t go home too often at first.  I had to go home one month after we moved to DC and I swear, the only reason I came back to DC was because I loved my husband. I went home for a week and saw family and friends and packed our stuff up. Seeing all my possessions in a moving van made me realize this wasn’t a summer away, or even a one year adventure, but something that was fairly permanent….and I cried as the Jackson skyline disappeared in the distance. I knew I was coming back to a place where I was not settled yet, had only a few friends and did not yet feel like home.  I had no choice, I had to go to Mississippi to pack, but that week of laughing with my family and nights out with friends made it really hard to come back to DC.  So, if you can avoid it, don't go home a lot at first. Avoiding going home often for the first few months forces you to make your new city into your new home.

Fast forward 6 months.  We didn’t go home again until Christmas (which I wasn’t happy about at first, but it turned out to be a good thing) and although I enjoyed our trip back to the Magnolia state, a part of me was excited to get back to our life in DC – New Years Eve with friends, weekly small group, girls nights.  Being “stuck” in DC for 6 months forced D and me to get involved. Now, I feel free to go to my home state (whenever I can afford plane tickets!) without feeling too attached.  But, I had to put in several months in DC before it felt like my new home.

(6)    Unpack and make your house feel homey! Almost a year later, our house is far from finished. Not every picture is framed and hanging. We still need another dresser. Our bedroom is almost always a little cluttered due to a lack of storage, so the door remains closed when guests come over. But, we did hang a few pieces of art, put down an area rug, add a few of our trinkets and framed photos, buy some couch pillows and arrange and rearrange furniture until we found a good layout. It feels like home to us and it feels cozy enough to invite others over (see #3 again) which we do fairly regularly. Get your home to a point where you feel comfortable hosting others and then you can slowly do the rest.

(7)    Don’t invest too much time in people who don’t want to be your friends.  The luxury with being new is that you don’t have a history with people. I’m extremely loyal so if a friend lets me down or continuously blows me off, I probably still fight for them, show a little grace and hope to salvage things. But, when I’m new and get excluded or rejected or feel I made a connection with someone but no friendship follows, I may be disappointed, but I am free to move on.  Sometimes people are busy or unaware or not interested in adding people to their circle of friends, that’s okay, move on, find others to invest in. 

(8) If you are single, consider living with a roommate. I'm not suggesting finding someone on Craig's List (although that has worked well for people I know) but search church classifieds, live with a friend or a friend of a friend, etc)  Living with someone can give you built in fellowship, access to plans and friendships, etc.

(9) Don't be choosy.  Be open to meeting all types of people. Be open to making all types of friends. It's tempting to only want to hang out with people who are like you (particularly when you are out of your comfort zone...IE, I am immediately drawn to southerners!) Moving is a great opportunity to broaden your horizons, plus you are  more likely to plug in quickly if you don't limit your friendships to those who are similar to you. 

Note: I am not telling you to befriend criminals, just to be  less picky when making friends.

(10) Enjoy your new city! This doesn't help you make new friends, but it does help you feel at home and stay busy while you are in the "transition" process.  Marriage makes things a bit easier -- you get to bring a built in friend to a new city with you, but the reality is that no matter how quickly you dive into your new life, you will have a few months of getting to know people before you have established friends....don't sit at home and feel sorry for yourself, walk through a fun neighborhood, go to a local museum, try a new bakery.  I spent the first two months of married life at home and I thoroughly explored my little neighborhood, looking in stores, walking down side streets, wondering across the bridge into Georgetown, etc.

Being a "New Girl" Married v. Single (or a "New Guy")

I've been the new girl when single and when married, and honestly, being married when you are new is easier.  You have a built in friend for movies, dinners out, happy hour, exploring.  Although so much time together might not quench all your social needs, at least it quenches some!  You don't have to walk in to church alone or spend a Friday evening alone. If you are married, be grateful that you have this built in buddy to help make the transition to a new place a little easier.

However, flip side, I think singles make friends quicker.  They don't have that built in buddy so they jump in and get involved at a faster paced than married women. I've shared before about how I think singles make great friends and this rings true when they are new to town - they make friends more easily and they have the freedom to commit to last minute plans without checking in with spouses. If you are single, take advantage of this freedom and get involved with a church, group, charity immediately.  Busy yourself with plans and get settled in your new city! (PS, you never know when one of these new might turn into a dating relationship, so yet another motivating reason to get involved!)

Summer Escape

Last night, D and I left for a little summer vacation...5 days in the Tennessee Mountains with his sisters, their families and his parents.  Last evening, we drove half way and spent the evening in Blacksburg so we could explore the university and tWe are a little spoiled because less than two weeks ago, we have a fun filled beach weekend with friends, yet we are already leaving for another trip!  As my baby sister would say, "Sorry I'm not Sorry." Plus, its hard to really unwind with a short weekend trip, so its great we have a few more lazy vacation days ahead of us....


What's perfect about this vacation is that it is a vacation...really, no obligations, no sights to see, no restaurants to try. I am free to lounge around, enjoy fellowship with others, relish in a few quiet moments to myself, etc.  D and I are both the same - we love adventure and seeing new places, so we tend to overbook ourselves when we travel.  Our summer vacation to Toronto in august will be full of a lot of things - good food, theater, sight seeing, tall buildings (that D will lecture me on), cocktails, wondering, getting lost in new neighborhoods...but it won't be full of rest because we wouldn't dare waste a day to relax or nap or read a book! Too much to do! But time spent at beach houses or mountain cabins are different -- no big cities nearby, no absolute "must sees" except for nature and each other, so vacation days are actually relaxing and restful, leaving you recharged. We live in such a busy city and we take busy getaways, so I am excited for the freedom and calmness of a few mountain days... where I only have one scheduled plan: whitewater rafting one afternoon.


I am looking forward to family meals with laughter and stories and second helpings, cocktails and giggling on the porch with my sisters in law, hiking and handholding with my sweet country boy, trying not to fall out of the raft while navigating rapids, having a rare girls shopping trip (I saved a little money for this trip) to the outlets where I analyze exactly how much money I have and what I want to buy, curling up on the couch and diving into a couple of the books from my 2014 Summer Reading List, cooking BBQ and monkey bread, giggling with two cute little nieces, enjoying the warm sun and a nap by the pool, late night movies and board games and chats, hot tubbing and wine drinking, and the list goes on...


...so if you don't hear from me for a few days, it is because I am busy escaping from life in the mountains.


My life sure is blessed and happy, but even happy lives require the occasional escape.

Our Wedding, Part 2: Pre-Party (Bridesmaid's Brunch and Getting Ready)

There are probably few mornings more exciting than the morning of your wedding day.  I'm not super cheesy, but I truly did feel gleeful and excited all day long -- like annoying little Disney birds chirping while I sing type of happy. There's plenty of stress involved in preparing for marriage and planning a wedding.  There are solemn moments along the way as you realize what a  huge decision you are making - but honestly, my main emotion on my wedding day was pure excitement.  I know some people feel nervous or stressed, but on the wedding day, I was just joyful. Whatever problem came along, I knew our wedding planner or my mom could handle.  I was such a giddy bride because I couldn't believe I finally got to marry my sweet guy and because the Lord was faithful to answer my prayers.


I mentioned earlier that D and I weren't traditional in all aspects of our marriage, particularly our pre-wedding day shoot. Another "non traditional" element is that we saw each other that morning.  After the rehearsal dinner, D and I went out for drinks at the Library Lounge with our bridal party.  When we finally left, we realized that we never figured out where he was staying for the night.  He didn't want to wake his family or try to find a place to stay for one nights, so he begged me to stay at my parents house.  I wasn't crazy about the idea (nor was my mom) - but at midnight, and with a throbbing mouth (I won a free teeth whitening which I brilliantly scheduled for the day of our rehearsal), it just wasn't worth the fight. My one attempt at disagreeing was claiming that I would see him in the morning and that would break with tradition, but D was clever enough to remind me of our pre-wedding shoot and all my claims for tradition were moot. So, I caved and made him a pallet.

Night of the Rehearsal

And, you know what? It wasn't the worse thing I ever did.  I woke up giddy and excited and I was able to share that with him.  Poor guy was still asleep when I shook him just to wake him up and happily remind him that it was our wedding day.  I made him breakfast and chatted with him before he left and I got ready to head to my bridal brunch.  Looking back, I am glad we had that relatively normal morning to be together and  laugh and  celebrate and address important questions like "who's dropping our suitcases at the hotel?" and "what time does our flight leave tomorrow?" Also, I loved starting my wedding day off with my groom. Even though we then split up for several hours, the day began and ended together.  That wasn't planned, but it turned out to be really precious.


My mom and I got ready for the bridesmaid's brunch and ran a few errands (Who waits to buy wedding jewelry for their MOB dress until day of wedding?) before heading to my sister's in law's house where a few family friends planned the perfect poolside brunch. My sister's bridesmaid's brunch was the most relaxed brunch I had ever been to -- laying out by the pool, painting nails, yummy breakfast food. I wanted something similar so everyone got to relax pre-wedding. And, the brunch was perfect -- a preppy navy and green Lilly Pulitzer pool day, complete with poolside cocktails, Lilly Plates and navy monogrammed napkins. (Sadly I don't have many pictures of the bridesmaid's brunch)

Mrs. Amy-- one of my second mammas who planned my Navy and Green Lilly shower because she knows I love all things preppy, Lilly and summery!

My sweet bridesmaid, Kristen, who also did our invitations and programs. Check out her shop here.

Bathing suit, sundress and floppy hat with a veil!

I've mentioned this before, but I have the best group of friends from different stages of life - girls who have seen me at my best and worst, who have loved me and challenged me and prayed for me, who made my life infinitely better. It was wonderful to leisurely enjoy the morning with them.

After the brunch, my sisters, mom and I got our hair and makeup done then ran by my parent's house to pick up all our wedding attire. We headed to the venue to primp and get ready.

Walking into the venue was so exciting. I wasn't completely sure what the reception area would look like.  About a month before the wedding, D got a job in DC, moved and we were looking for housing (with one of us still in Mississippi), so at one of our final planning appointments, I told the florist/caterer and wedding planner that I trusted them to figure out the little details.  They knew I wanted a modern clean feel, and they knew my few "must haves", but the rest was up to them. It was the best decision I made. Not only was my plate a little less full, but walking into the venue was an exciting surprise.  They far surpassed any of the decorating decisions I could have made!

Seeing the wedding details for the first time!

I know a lot of people get ready with their bridesmaids, but the bathroom at the venue was only big

enough for my sisters, mom and me....and it was special to spend the time getting ready with them. 

I love Navy so of course I needed Navy wedding shoes!

A little help from my sisters

Gotta get that garter on!

My something borrowed was my mother's pearl bracelet

This picture wasn't planned -- I said my flowers smelled good after the bridal "pose with flowers" pic and my mom wanted to smell!

 We took a few traditional "getting ready" pics before I hade my second "first look" with D....and this was the first look where we were excited and nervous and sharing our feelings about the day.  We were able to take time to pray together then enjoy laughing and pictures together.  I definitely believe you should have a first look....it makes for a more relaxed day for everyone, plus its special time alone :)

I am biased, but he sure is handsome! Check out those baby blues!

Walking to see my groom!

Moments alone

I'm a planner by nature (except wedding planning, a lot of that just stressed me out!).  I love anticipation. I love eagerly looking forward to a special time.  I find almost as much joy in getting ready for a big trip, event or holiday as I do at the event itself! So, getting ready for the ceremony -- with family and friends and D was special and full of anticipation. D was nervous (about being in front of so many people, not marrying me-- or at least he claims that it wasn't me!)  and I am sure other people felt stressed too, but I only felt excitement as we prepared to say I do!

My *2014* Summer Reading List

One of my summer goals is to read - for fun!  I used to be a reader, not as intensely as my sister or my sister in law, but I enjoyed good books and made time for them in my life. Even in law school when I literally read all day long, I would find simple fun novels and read a chapter or two before bed. I found I slept better with stories in my head, not case law! Sadly, once life gets busy, reading is the first thing I let go.  When I was working so much this winter, I would come home, watch one episode of TV then drift off to sleep!  Additionally, marriage has limited my reading because I spend a lot of my "down time" with D, watching TV, catching up, taking an evening walk. Seriously, I have probably read only 5 books total since we got married! But, life and marriage has slowed down and I am excited to dive back into reading...which is perfect because for some reason, summertime signals reading to me. Maybe it's based on school traditions of assigned reading or the fact that lots of travel occurs during the summertime which lends plenty of time for reading. Perhaps its the fact the sticky thick summer heat makes other activities seem too demanding so the solution is escaping with a book in an air conditioned living room!

Reading for leisure really is the ULTIMATE pastime for so many reasons - challenging, enjoyable, an escape!  Not only is a good book enjoyable, it's practical -- It can be carried around and enjoyed on a part bench, the metro, lunch break or curled up in bed.  Allowing someone else's words to create ideas and paint images in your own mind is challenging and educational, causing you to think of new people, places, circumstances and viewpoints! Finally, when your own life is tough and you need encouragement or escape, reading someone else's words can provide the comfort and rest that you need.

I am excited about my reading goals for Summer 2014: I imagine beach bags full of new chick lit to devour by the pool and the scent of chlorine and sunscreen pouring out of the books when I pick them back up at home. I envision thumbing through pages of an exciting read while sipping coffee or a cocktail on the front porch (FYI, I don't have a porch or patio, just patio envy, so Saturday morning porch reading isn't likely going to happen....). I picture lying on a quilt in a grassy park with D studying for his next licensing exam and me curled up beside him, nose in a book, learning about a new topic or experiencing some character's life. I anticipate curling up in bed with a good book, on top of the sheets, on a sticky July night in our tiny 650 square foot apartment with fans blasting and the sound of hot summer rain outside.

Truthfully, I know my summer reading fantasies are a bit dramatic, but I truly am thrilled to take time to enjoy some good books over the next few months!

Here's my Summer Reading List--- in categories for YOUR  my convenience and enjoyment (What can I say? this girl loves a good list!) I wanted to cover a range of topics (political, religious, nonfiction, decorating, novels!) Also, the list was supposed to be 15 books, but honestly, I couldn't pick which one to eliminate, so 16 it is! I'd love to get through all 16, but I am realistic. You never know what curve balls life will throw you, so my realistic goal is 10 books - and I am almost finished with my first (Divergent)

Christian Encouragement

One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

* I read Ann Voskamp's blog sometimes and she is such a talented writer -- using words 

to encourage and uplift and point others to Christ. So, I know I will LOVE her book!

Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst

*This book is about learning to deal with emotions, so its particularly applicable

 to ladies (D is probably glad I am reading this book, ha!) It has been 

quite popular and it's already downloaded on the

 family kindle account, so it should be an encouraging read.

A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller

*I started this book a few years ago, but life got busy and I never finished it.  

I enjoyed what I read, so I am taking a second crack at it!

Travel

The Sweet Life in Paris by David Lebovitz

* A Travel Memoir about Paris AND Food? Um, yes please!

Political

11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative by Paul Kengor

*For those that know me outside of blog land, does this actually surprise you?

Fiction

Divergent by Veronica Roth

*Yes, I know, I am way late to the band wagon! I am 

already halfway through and I love it!

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

*Tween Fiction -- Who cares? It got RAVE reviews! And maybe 

I can finish it in time to still see the movie in theaters!

Natchez Burning by Greg Iles

*I needed to include a little Mississippi Writing on my list.  Natchez is D's 

hometown and local writer Iles is very entertaining, so I look 

forward to jumping into this southern novel.

Someday, Someday, Maybe by Lauren Graham

*Raise your hand if you grew up on Gilmore Girls or love Parenthood! 

Me Me Me! Well, Lauren Graham is apparently more than

 an actress. She is also an aspiring author!

The Right Thing by Amy Conner

*This is a coming of age story set in Jackson, MS. Guess what? I came of age

 in Jackson too....so that guarantees I will love this book, right?

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty 

* This book got great reviews....and it was already on the family kindle account, so

 it seemed like a no brainier to add this to my list!

Non Fiction

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

*This was on the bestseller list for MONTHS....non fiction isn't always 

entertaining, but everyone loves it, and it was free to me on the family kindle account!)

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling

*I love THE MINDY PROJECT on Fox, so I look forward to 

Mindy Kaling's clever humor on paper!

I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai

*What a motivational young lady - child activist, shot by the Taliban! 

Homemaking

Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist

*A compilation of stories on food, family and community (I support all three!) 

Plus each chapter has a recipe attached.  The blog world has gone crazy 

over this book, so I can't wait to dive in (next week on my vaca!)

The Nesting Place by Myquillyn Smith

*This is another book that the world wide web has given a lot of 

attention -- tips from a popular design blogger about decorating in a 

messy, not so perfect world!  We both work, live in 650 square feet and don't have a 

ton of money so I want our house to be beautiful but homey and still look 

stylish despite imperfections! It's a book full of bright colorful pictures so I 

ordered a hard copy (as opposed to Kindle) and am eager for it to arrive from Amazon!

If I have time....  

(which let's be honest....16 is pushing it, so it's doubtful that I get to 

these books before Fall 2014, but even so, I am listing 

the "runners up" for my 2014 reading list!)

Allegiant and Insurgent by Veronica Roth (might as well finish the series! 

My friend said that once I read one, I will want to read them all...

I am halfway through Divergent and I agree! Plus both are 

already downloaded on the Kindle account!)

I Thought it Was Just Me by C. Brene Brown

Sarah's Key by Kristin Scott Thomas (Everyone seems to love this 

book and I already have a copy due to the shared kindle account)

Eight Twenty Eight by Larissa and Ian Murphy (Eight Twenty Eight 

is about this sweet married couple and it would be on my summer reading 

list except it is not being released until Labor 

Day Weekend.  That's OK, I will just read it this fall!)

The Paris Wife  by Paula McLain (Also a popular book I have yet to 

read which is already on the Kindle)

Glorious Ruin: How Suffering Sets You Free by Tullian Tchividjiian (also already 

on the Kindle, thanks family!)

The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Tim Keller (I love Tim Keller and 

this is one of his recent books which I have yet to read-- and 

guess what? It's on the Kindle!)

So - there you have it: my summer reading list....a mix of fiction, nonfiction, educational and just plain fun.  What about y'all? What books are on your summer reading list? (Seriously, I would love suggestions for the future!)

9 Reasons You Should Have Single Friends

This weekend, D and I enjoyed a much needed weekend  getaway with some of our amazing friends. We enjoyed sunny beach days, cocktails, a shrimp boil and lots of laughs and catching up. On this beach trip, D and I were the "token married couple" as we have been many times in the past year.  And, although we would always love to meet a few more married couples, having so many great single friends is a blast!

I must admit, I am naturally drawn to hanging out with singles because I only recently got married, so I still relate to the good and bad aspects of singleness. I also remember what it felt like when some married folks didn't want to hang out with single folks anymore (and how much I adored my married friends who maintained solid friendships with me), so I think that makes me extra cautious about entering into that "marrieds only" group. But, in general, I think many married folks drift away from single friendships - either by choice or circumstance or convenience - and honestly, those folks are missing out because singles make GREAT friends.

9 Reasons you should have single pals

(1) Singles are more flexible with their free time.  First off, notice that I didn't claim that singles were less busy, just a bit more flexible.  As a single person, I was busier than I am as a married woman, BUT now I have to account for two people's schedules, so I'm less flexible.  As a single, I was able to invite friends over for wine or meet up for last minute dinner plans of grab a bottle of wine and take it to a married friend's house to drink and talk while the kids slept. I didn't always have time, but when I did have time, I was usually up for anything. Single friends are a great blessing because if you need to change the date of dinner plans due to your husband's work dinner or switch your plans from girls night out to girls night in due to sick kids or have a last minute free evening, single friends are typically flexible and accommodating.

(2) Singles are service oriented. Now that I am married, the first person I go to with a problem is my husband. I am glad to have that built in support system. As a single, I also had a support system - a community of (mostly single) Christian women (and men). These folks served as my local family and were willing to care for, serve and encourage me in numerous ways.  We didn't have our own spouses and kids to invest in yet, so we spent our time serving and loving each other.  Single friends will drop what they are doing to help you move, bring you a meal if you are sick, go out to celebrate your promotion or new job, take you  to the hospital, be your shoulder to cry on after a break up, etc.  Singles also use their extra time to volunteer or become involved in ministries.  They throw baby showers and wedding showers and bring you gifts and food when you give birth or have surgery. Today's singles get a lot of accusations about selfishness and an unwillingness to grow up and honestly, I think its an unfair and untrue attack. Most singles I know invest in their community and their friends' lives in amazing ways.  When used wisely, singleness lends a lot of time towards service and concern for others.

(3) Singles represent an important part of the Body of Christ.  I think one of the biggest reasons to get to know singles in your community is because singles are a part of Christian community.  It is important to know people with a different background, race, gender and yes, even marital status! Not only are we called to love all types of believers, diversity is beneficial because singles add different perspectives (see 4)

(4) Singles bring a different perspective and wisdom on many issues.  On a lot of topics- work, faith, decorating, exercise, politics - singles don't differ that much from their married counterparts.  But, when it comes to specific challenges, singles have a lot of wisdom to add. Christian singles have a lot to add on faith during times of waiting, making friends and building community during adulthood, living with disappointments, finding ways to plug into the church, etc. Find yourself facing a big move and terrified of making new friends? Ask a single friend for tips. Waiting on a pregnancy and needing someone to talk to and pray for you? Single gals can relate to the ups and downs of waiting and will actively listen and pray for you!

(5) I'm about to ruffle some feathers, but quite frankly, singles are more fun and social.  I was more fun as a single and luckily I still have a lot of young single friends to keep me fun and social.  When I want social interaction, I can spend time with friends or time with my husband (or both) -- having this option is quite a blessing, but it is easy to just rely on your spouse for your social interaction and not plan nights out with each other or others! Singles don't have the built in marital buddy, so they are always being social and planning outings, parties, trips. Married folks plan fun events too, but they don't do it as often as single folks do. That's why its great to have single friends who are always suggesting new exciting things to do!

(6) Single friends are still the same cool people they are always were. Singles have not changed at all since you got married. Marital status doesn't change the type of people they are! If you are recently married and never see your single friends anymore, shame on you. Seriously, these are still the fun people you once hung out with on a weekly basis....so they are cool folks! You may not see them as often, but keep on hanging out with such cool folks!

(7) Due to singleness, you can now have friendships with members of the opposite gender with no pressure!  Don't misread this, you do not need to have one on one intimate relationships with someone of the opposite sex when one party is married. However, one of my favorite things about my friends in DC is that I met most of them after I got married. So, when D and I hang out with a good male friend, it is a cross gender friendship free from worry or analysis. I'm not flirting with him, hoping for more, trying to catch his attention.  I am not worrying if our friendship has other men thinking I am not available. I am not having to try to read his signals and let him down easily if I am not interested. We are just friends and I am free to tease, converse with, pester him about who he is dating with no worries! D feels the same way about several of our gal pals.

(8) Single friends provide you with an opportunity to minister.  It's easy to just invite married couples over for dinner or cookouts or game nights. It's the right ratio of men to women. It ensures that both spouses have someone to talk to and it's fun to relate to someone else in the same stage of life. But, as I have already stated, Singles are a lot of fun and have a different perspective to offer. Friendship with single adults also gives you the chance to minister to them.  You can ensure he or she doesn't sit alone at church, you can include a single at holidays when he or she might not have plans, you can introduce a single friend to another single person you know, you can just kindly listen to your single friend's stresses, you can send a single guy home with leftovers or be the man that fixes a single lady's flat tire, etc.  There are ways that most of us are served and serve through marriage and by befriending singles, you have the opportunity to be an avenue of service in a single person's life!

(9) Singles are loyal friends.  I had the best friends in my 20s. We invested in each other's lives- for the good and bad moments. We celebrated and cried and worried and laughed together.  We essentially formed a little family and I would have done anything for them. I feel fiercely loyal towards D and our new little family, but before I had him, I invested most of my loyalty and devotion to my friends.



I benefit from (and hopefully benefit) my single friends. Honestly, I didn't set out to find single friends as opposed to married friends, but I didn't limit myself  to only looking for other couples to hang out with. I kept my pre-marriage pals (both married and single) and am making new friends here in DC. However, most of our friends are single (DC is a mecca for young single 20/30/40 somethings so this is not surprising) and looking back, making and maintaining single friendships has hugely benefited us.

So, there you have it -- 9 great reasons to make and maintain friendships with single men and women!

So Close

Linking up with "Five Minute Friday" today for Lisa Jo's writing prompt:  "close"

If you want to join in on the fun, spend 5 (ish) minutes and just write what your thoughts are on the prompt - not worrying if it is appropriate or perfect or "sounds nice"

My thoughts on "close".....

So Close

Sometimes I feel like different stages of my life could be summed up with this word: CLOSE  as in close, almost, just about, not quite, etc.  Being "close to" some goal or desire is almost harder than being so far away  -- because you feel the rush of anticipation, the belief that if you push a little further and harder then you will soon make it, hopeful that indeed, your prayers and wishes and desires will soon be met -- all to end in disappointment, another "almost, but not quite"  I am truly happier to receive a "no" than "just wait" from the Lord (or from others).  Even if an answer is not what I want, at least it's a definite answer, clear and concise, that I can hear and accept and deal with long before I throw my heart and soul in hoping and believing. (and I know I am not alone in this preference towards black and white answers)

Having a "close but not quite" experience makes one feel foolish...how could I have thought this would work out? how was I silly enough to really believe  ________ (that he was the one, that I might be pregnant finally, that this job would be pan out, that our house would sell, that the cancer was gone for good, that this person had changed, etc, etc) These "close but not quite" moments are exhausting and deflating, causing us to want to guard our hearts and never hope for the best again.

So living a life full of "close but not quite" moments can be disappointing- and challenging- and just plain hard, but I truly believe that this is where God does His best work -- in our circumstances and in us. It's easy to trust Him with positive answers and it's difficult to trust Him with disappointing answers, but it is the most difficult to hold on when the path is unclear and hope is dashed in the last minute! It's hard to dust yourself off and keep going when you just lost the answer that seemed within your reach. But that is where our hearts learn to trust the most by resting in uncertainty and by making our hope in the Lord our anchor. It is in these "close" moments where we learn to trust God not only in rough circumstances, but when the answers seem to be snatched away from us.

So, for those of you struggling with a recent "close but not quite" today- a false positive on a pregnancy test, a breakup with someone who you thought to be the one, a job lead that didn't pan out last minute, know my heart mourns with you. Those are tough moments and all I can encourage you to do is take a short time to mourn and pray...a month off from dating, a couple days off from job searching, etc and then dust yourself off, try to keep your heart soft and hopeful and cautiously move forward in faith.  It may seem like dashed hopes to you, but to the Lord, it may be an important step forward.

Stay close to the One who holds your hand through those "close but not quite" moments. Trust in the One who can make those close moments a reality. Anchor your hope in  the One who remains steady when circumstances do not.

What I am Reading Wednesday: Midweek Encouragement

I have nothing that fabulous to say today except that I have read some really amazing words by others in the past few weeks and I want to share them with you.  I hope you are encouraged as I was!










(1) I certainly needed encouragement this week in knowing that the Lord is working all things to my good.  If you need the reminder, read Piper's wise words.







"God’s staggering pledge of Romans 8:28 is that “all things” — not just the good, but even and especially the bad — work for your good. Life’s worst pains are for your eternal joy.

All things is a massive phrase. It’s universal, all-inclusive, with no exceptions."











(2) Feeling like your 20s (or your 30s or 40s) aren't what you expected? This might encourage you.  Some of my 20s were amazing, but some parts just plain sucked. I'm guessing almost everyone can relate to this article on at least a tiny level.










(3) I love love love this couple....her love for him and their trust in the Lord are truly humbling.  I adore my husband and if asked, I would tell you that I love him very well on most days....but the truth is, I have barely scratched the surface of how it means to love him so sacrificially. Likewise, even with my greatest efforts to trust that the Lord is good even when life is tough, I have never trusted the Lord as faithfully and patiently as these two have.  Watch this video and then take the time to Google all past articles on this sweet faithful couple. 










(4)  Do you ever think God's sovereignty is scary? Sure, it's comforting that God's in control during bad times, but it’s also overwhelming that He is control of bad times. It's hard for me to look at the sick and hurting and not fear God sometimes, so this article really captured what a lot of people feel.  We must remember He is sovereign and good.










(5) Singleness or Motherhood-- which one is more sanctifying? The author uses sacrifice as one of the main measurements of sanctification. Speaking personally (and I am not a mother), I am more intensely sacrificial as a married person -- IE, when it comes to Dave, I obviously now love more sacrificially than ever before (but not nearly enough, as I noted above). However, as a single, I was more broadly sacrificial. I gave more freely of my time, resources and concern to ministry, friends, family, roommates, etc.  It's one of the things I am striving to still do as a married woman, although I see my areas of failure. I can't add to the motherhood debate, although I have no doubt moms sacrifice daily in ways I have not yet experienced. But, what I do like about this article is that the author doesn't take the side that one group is more likely to be sanctified and mature in their faith, but that every stage can be used to sanctify us.  As a former single, I know that singles get accused of selfish pursuits and immaturity a lot, which stings and causes you to think you are spiritually stunted simply because of your marital status. I know so many men and women who were faithfully serving others and striving to grow, even without a spouse or family.  It is encouraging to hear the author say that singleness can be sanctifying just like marriage and children can sanctify! Let us all continue to pray that God sanctifies us in our circumstances. I actually want to discuss this more but it’s probably a whole different blog post!










(6) Need a little hope today?  Which also reminds me of the previous article about making this a year we hope. I am trying to make this a year for HOPE.










(7) This is a great article for those waiting for light in the darkness.










(8) One thing marriage is teaching me is to apologize quickly and often and not waste time being angry! This is a great article about apologies.