Emmanuel for the Weary

“O rest beside the weary road, and hear the angels sing.”

This year ends mostly on good notes - a merry Mississippi Christmas trip ahead of us with plenty of time spent with friends, family and the world's most adorable nieces and nephews; solid jobs; a sweet baby girl on the way and so much to be grateful for.

Many years, I have limped into Christmas and the New Year, far far more fragile than I am now, full of brokenness, longing and hopelessness. I am comfortable with that- I know how to celebrate Advent in the midst of pain and times of waiting.  This year is different - it ends with mostly joy and hope and blessings, but as I have struggled through December, I realized that this year ends in praise, but it also ends in exhaustion. I am learning how to celebrate the Savior’s coming with a weary soul and body.

Part of that exhaustion is my fault - over committing, trying to do too much (specifically too much for a 30 week pregnant woman!) and part of that exhaustion is that the road to these blessings has not been easy.  I walked through really hard times this year – with Emmanuel by my side- and now that I have survived, I am worn out.

Celebrating and rejoicing in God's goodness to us in the past year does not undo the fact that many tears were cried and much heartache was felt in 2015. Seeing God redeem and restore is lovely and such an honor to witness, but fresh scars still remain on our hearts. Work, relationships, licensing exams, family (or rather growing our family) has not made for an easy year.  A happy one, yes, but an easy one, not at all. Dave feels it too – after months of holding each other up and trying our best to courageously fight through lives battles, we are far more grumpy with each other and life this December than we were last year and we seem to be more sickly and insulated than our normal selves.  We aren't hurting, per se.  We aren't hopeless.  Just the opposite – we are joyful and thankful for our many blessings.  But, we are just plum worn out – and the exhaustion shows – with worn out bodies, in sickness and colds that won’t go away, in harsh words and baggy circles under our eyes.

And, so I limp into Christmas in a different way – not in a “still in the trenches” type a way, not in a hopeless way – but in a weary and worn out way.  This year, “Emmanuel” ( “God with us”) means something different to me.  I have experienced an Emmanuel who helps me through hard roads or strengthens me in the waiting.  I know the Emmanuel who undeservedly blesses me.  And, this season, I am finding that this Emmanuel is also with me in recovery.  Just as he walked me through hard times, He will hold my hand as I heal and rest and find strength again. He is my rest – and He came to offer us ultimate healing and rest.

This year I am coming to the manger weary – and there I will find rest that only a Savior can grant me.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Nor Does He Sleep

I love the good truth found in hymns.  Don’t get me wrong, this traditional Presbyterian girl can enjoy a good praise song, but the heavy meaning found in hymn lyrics always stirs my heart to think deeper and worship.  And, so, during Christmas, I definitely enjoy the carols and Christian songs more than the other catchy holiday pop tunes. Music can subtly slip truth into our hearts and minds while we are mindlessly humming along – so listening to Christmas carols on my daily metro rides not only gets me in “the holiday spirit” – it also reminds me of my Savior and His overwhelming love and faithfulness for His people.

Some of my all time favorite Christmas carol lyrics are:

And in despair I bowed my head

“There is no peace on earth,” I said,

“For hate is strong and mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good will to men.”

The pealed the bells more loud and deep;

“God is not dead nor doth (does) He sleep;

 The wrong shall fail, the right prevail

With peace on earth, good will to men.”

I am a fairly black and white thinker – and my heart LOVES justice (both personally and for others).  Feeling like I or someone I loved was treated unfairly hurts me deeply. Forgiveness (without apology or recognition) comes hard for me (and is constantly my biggest confession: Lord help me forgive)  Maybe it is my personality or my legal background  or a little bit of self-righteousness, but the way I long for this broken world to be healed is through a “righting” of wrongs – apologies, healed relationships, acknowledged wrongs, correction or punishment of unfair treatment, seeing those who are "right" succeed, etc.

So, this year, my heart (like many of your hearts, probably) has been heavy.  Such brokenness, such  wrongs, coming at us from every corner (we can’t blame just liberals or conservatives or Christians or Muslims or blacks or whites for this)  Terrorist attacks.  Racism. Mass Shootings.  Refugees. Purposeful attacks on conservatives. Christians acting hatefully. Muslims acting hatefully. Awful presidential choices. Selective concern for others.  A PC agenda.  And the list goes on and on…..

So many problems, so much brokenness, so few answers.  In this fallen world, justice is not always realized as quickly as we hope – or in exactly in the ways we wish.  And, if we are honest, in a world full of sinners, as one area finally sees some justice, a new area of hate and discrimination and loss will emerge.  HE will OVERCOME this broken world, but for now, the weight of the brokenness and hurt seems overwhelming.

Usually, Advent is so personal for me – a time of waiting with hope for the Lord, His coming and the ways He personally is faithful to me here on earth.  But, this Advent season, more than any other in recent history, I take comfort in God’s coming on a more general level – that He sees every single hurting person in this world and His birth, resurrection, healing and second coming is for all types of people.  While it often seems this world progressively gets worse, we serve a God who does not sleep, who is watching and working and can and will overcome in HIS timing.

A baby born in the manger was the beginning of the end for Satan and this broken world.  Christmas and Advent are the ultimate picture of hope and grace, but for those like me who long for a world untouched by sin, loss and injustice, the Christmas story is also the ultimate act of justice!  We wait patiently for ultimate justice – but God enables us to be a part of restorative and redemptive justice here on earth through our ministry and outreach to others.  This Advent season, my focus is on justice – longing for it, praying for it and searching for ways to be a part of it. Maybe the HOPE of the ADVENT season can be seen through His people and how they love others and fight for justice in this BROKEN world.

John 16:23 “….In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have OVERCOME the world."

Psalm 121: 4 "Indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither SLUMBER nor SLEEP."

Far as the curse is found

 “No more let sins and sorrows grow, nor thorns infest the ground;  He comes to make His blessings flow, Far as the curse is found.”

This past year was hard- yet so, so good.  I am grateful for both- truly, I am. Some advent seasons follow easy happy blessed years full of rest and joy- and some years are hard, weary years where you slowly craw into the holiday season and new year.  Years of great blessing make rejoicing easy but don't help me to properly long and wait during advent – and years of longing match perfectly with the waiting season of advent but make me work harder to find joy during the holiday season. But, this year, I have known both grief and rejoicing– reminding me of my incredible need for a Savior, my longing for Heaven in the midst of a broken world, and of God’s unmerited kindness displayed upon me.  The Christmas carol rings true in my life – He has definitely made His blessings flow in my life far as the curse is found. And the curse and the blessing is making me daily more like Him.

There are two sweet new ornaments on our tree this December, announcing two sweet babies – one that I gave to my husband last December to announce our first pregnancy and baby, and one given to me by mother this year announcing our sweet daughter’s quick approaching arrival.  I refuse to take the first one down – because that ornament is just as much a part of our story – and the story of Advent as the second ornament.  (This is not the first time I have realized loss during the “most wonderful time of the year” and each loss has made Advent all the sweeter in my life) In fact, I can’t think of a better time of year to remember those we love and have lost than Advent – a time when a perfect Savior came as a baby into our mess to save us from death and destruction.  I can celebrate both babies this year because of the sweet baby in the manger that was the beginning of the end for this broken, hard world and the ever-reaching curse of death and sin.

You see, ADVENT is the BLESSING found amidst the CURSE.  God’s people waited for their Savior to arrive (and He did so in a way far different than was expected) – and we, too, await our Savior’s return, the ultimate blessing for a hurting world.  In the meantime, we live in the present with broken marriages, sickness and disease, singleness and childlessness, poverty, abuse and death.  Many of our lives are filled with numerous blessings – yet some years, the good gifts seem fewer and further apart.  And, even among the blessings, we muddle through the ramifications of sin’s curse day in and day out. 

But, then Advent comes – and amidst the curse, we get to set aside a few weeks in December to hope and long for the awaited return of our King, the one who comes to make all sad things untrue.  It is when sin’s curse is most strongly felt that we most desperately need the blessing of Advent and the realization of our ultimate blessing.

And, sometimes, by God’s good kindness on our lives, we get to experience blessings and redemption among the curse even here on earth.  I should be holding a baby this Christmas morning and friends, the curse's sting will be real and painful, but thanks to the Lord’s sweet mercy on me, I will be bigger than Santa Claus at 8 months pregnant, enjoying the promise and hope of a baby on her way. The baby in the manger allows us to not only have ultimate HOPE - but hope even now, in the middle of disappointment and despair and loss.  My prayer is that you see God’s little blessings this season just as much (or hopefully more) than you realize sin’s curse. There is pain, but oh, there is joy also!

Blessings flowing – both now and in eternity.  The curse’s reach may be far, but because of Advent and the beginning of the end for Satan, “sin’s curse has lost its grip on (us).”  The world's long awaited Savior has come - and will come again!  

Little Daily Joys

It's midweek  and work has been crazy - the type of crazy where I have worked in the evenings and on the weekend and during lunch.  And it feels like I have worked a lot and am meeting all that is required of me-  YET everyone seems grouchy (which is probably because they have worked a lot too but always makes me stress like I have done something wrong!!) On top of that, I am at that lovely stage of pregnancy where you start to grow a lot and I HATE watching the scale go up and my belly expand! (I, obviously, want baby to grow - but truthfully, I wish I could keep her fairly small until the last month and she could do all the major weight gain THEN haha) We are in the process of making Christmas plans which is always stressful (why can't we live in a Christmas version of groundhog day so we can spend the holidays with each family and no one sacrifices any of their traditions?)  And, yesterday, a picture fell off the wall at night knocking a vase over while we slept - leaving watermarked wood for me to find in the morning (any tips for dealing with that??)

So - life has had a few *minor* frustrations - but let's be honest, nothing horrible - just the hum drum and stress of each week. With rainy weather and lack of sleep (Thank you, dear daughter!), it's easy to be grumpy if I don't remind myself of the MANY MANY little joys in my life.  Yesterday, popular blogger, Kelly at Kelly's Korner, wrote about the things that bring her joy and I thought I would join in!!

Things that bring me JOY today.....

(1) Coming home to this sweet guy! Neither one of us had a meeting or obligation last night and I was super excited for a lazy night to cook breakfast for dinner (almond flour pancakes and bacon --it's my go to pregnancy meal) and curl up in front of the TV with him!

(2) our sweet LITTLE GIRL!!  I keep having to pinch myself because - eek, I am having a daughter!! Although I ADORE my nephews, our family needs a little pink!  SO --I was not so secretly hoping for a girl -- and I am over the moon thrilled that R2 is a little lady!  Even though she sometimes makes me sick - and she's making me fat, each day I can't help be smile that she is all ours and is own her way!

(3) my sweet MISSISSIPPI friends.  This weekend, I am heading to Mississippi for my friend, Claire's bachelorette! I am ecstatic that I get to celebrate her upcoming nuptials and that I get to do so with all my favorites.  I love DC and the wonderful friends I have made here, but a huge piece of my heart misses the great friends I had back home. I always feel rejuvenated and full after I spend time with them!

(4) OXFORD, MS!  Oxford is one of my FAVORITE towns - so many fun memories (and a few bad ones: law school finals, yuck!)  I haven't been to Oxford since we moved to DC.  Luckily, that's where the celebratory weekend is - and I can't wait to see sweet friends and enjoy all the good food, shopping and wondering around this picture perfect town! (Maybe Annie D will end up with some new Rebel gear!)

(5) OLE MISS REBELS ARE #3.  Woohoo, now if we can just keep winning!

(6) DATE NIGHTS!  During first trimester, Dave and I spent so many evenings at home, watching TV and going to bed early.  Summer usually includes a lot of baseball games, morning walks, restaurants and our favorite, OUTDOOR MOVIES (we didn't see one single outdoor movie this summer!)  So, this weekend, when we decided to go to a Friday night movie, I felt like I was in the land of the living - plans, on a Friday night? woohoo! We saw The Intern which is super cute and I highly recommend it!

(7) FALL.  Leaves are turning and the air is cooler. Fall is here! There are pumpkins and mums everywhere!  We are going apple picking in a couple weeks and Halloween candy fills the grocery store aisles. My current favorite thing about fall is that boots still fit you even when you are pregnant!!!

(8) New TV. Okay, this makes me a boring person right - but I was excited to have some new TV shows/new seasons starting in September!

(9) Good books and my KINDLE!! I just started a wonderful book on the metro yesterday. I love that Kindle and the Kindle phone app allows me to read anywhere - even on boring metro rides!

(10) Baby Clothes.  I have hardly bought anything, just a few items in France. But, I am having so much fun looking up darling outfits for Anne Douglas! Aren't little girl clothes just the cutest things ever?


See, I found 10 things that bring me JOY - some major (baby girl!) and some minor (good tv shows) - in a matter of a few minutes! What about you? What is bringing you JOY today??? And if life is feeling stressful, how can you take a few minutes to enjoy one of these things that bring you so much happiness?

How Travel Heals Us

When I was 22, I had my heart broken in the biggest of ways. A cancelled wedding, altered life plans, embarrassment and mourning for what I thought I had and who I thought I loved. Without a doubt, the year that followed was the darkest, most painful year of my life (so far, but you know, still lots of life to live, ha). It turns out that starting law school in the midst of grief and heartache may not be the best timing as I constantly felt waited down with studies, anxiety and loneliness.

What got me through this painful year, in this order: God, family and friends AND planning a trip to Europe (and then traveling to Europe!).

Backpacking trip, 2007

Yes, you read that right: ranked right behind my Lord and closest community, TRAVEL (and the year of planning leading up to travel) played the greatest role in my healing.  I spent the summer after college graduation dealing with the split, prepping for law school - and beginning to plan for a backpacking journey the next summer (which meant checking out European travel books at the local library, binge watching Samantha Brown's "Passport to Europe" on the travel channel AND drafting multiple "possible" schedules for my upcoming adventure) Throughout that first year of law school, especially the spring before the trip, I would sometimes take study breaks or spend Sunday afternoons doing research for my voyage. The planning provided me with a chance to balance grieving and stress with hope and excitement for the future. And the trip, itself, provided, much needed rest and celebration after surviving such a difficult year.

Niagara Falls, 2014

My European backpacking adventure was not my only encouraging time of travel. Other trips have also provided respite, change, rest and healing throughout my life.  A Disney trip with friends to kick off the start of law school. A second trip to Europe to celebrate after a year that included the bar exam, job searching and my first 6 months of working. A daddy-daughter journey to Arizona to watch my Auburn Tigers overcome years of adversity and finally win another National Championship.  A New Years Eve in Dallas trip with single ladies to celebrate friendship and freedom! A honeymoon getaway to SF and Napa with Dave after his stressful last year of architecture, his job search and our impending move. A late first anniversary trip to Canada after a first long hard year in a new place -- me looking for a job, adjusting to new jobs and married life and living far away from friends and family.

Europe with my friend, 2010

San Fran Honeymoon, 2013

Redwoods on Honeymoon, 2013

2010 National Champ Game in Arizona

Disney trip, 2006

The world is huge, full of  places and people so different than me! The size and diversity can be terrifying at times, making me feel small and inconsequential - but, it's often times when allowing myself to feel so tiny in God's big world full of wonderful experiences that I feel rested and rejuvenated, close to the Lord and others and encouraged to rejoice in spite of mourning! If we are willing to let it, travel can be a healing experience.

Malawi trip, 2009

Napa, 2013

Here are some of the ways that travel heals us:

(1) Travel distracts us.  

Perhaps the most obvious way that travel provides rest and healing is the reality that venturing to other places allows us to get away from our environment for awhile. We all need an escape from daily stresses and worries - and sometimes a change of scenery can provide a break from our struggles - or at the very least, a beautiful location with free time to slowly work through them!

(2) Travel (and planning for travel) reminds us that there are still good things to look forward to in our future. 

That summer after college, I needed something wonderful to look forward to, something good that I could daydream about and anticipate. Planning that adventure pointed my eyes forward and reminded me that good exciting things remained in my future. I came back from that trip, still limping, but with a little more confidence that my future still held many wonderful experiences, people and places.

(3) Travel gives us reason to celebrate!

Vacations give us an excuse to celebrate and live the good life: an extra glass of wine, ice cream at 3 pm just because, sleeping in, splurging on a new dress, a fancy dinner out with your spouse or best friend. Sure, splurging too much could be a bad thing, but a little indulgence can remind us that life is not all battles and schedules and work and diets and heartache. Occasionally when life has been hard or busy or stressful, what we need may be a weekend getaway with margaritas, a good book, rich desserts and lots of laughter. Travel reminds us that we have blessings and reasons to celebrate!

(4) Travel often gives us free time to think, pray, recover. 

Not all trips provide alone time. I recognize that some trips are romantic in nature or fun girls getaways. But, often, trips provide time to pray and wrestle through issues - whether it be during train rides across European countryside or a beach walk in Florida. Sometimes, my biggest lessons were learned and embraced while away from my home.  A change of scenery and schedule helped forge the way for a change of heart.

(5) Travel also gives us a chance to reconnect and enjoy fellowship. 

Sometimes, travel provides a chance of healing and recovery for groups of people - thus, the idea for family and marriage retreats!  Dave and I loved being able to get away to Canada last September and enjoying each other's company without our normal everyday distractions.  After surviving our first year of marriage and some unexpected stresses, it felt like a chance to celebrate, reconnect and escape. Girls getaways during my 20's often returned me home feeling loved and not alone. Sometimes we need to feel like we are a part of a team with people in our corner, cheering us on. Escaping to the beach with your girlfriends or New York with your husband can provide community and fellowship for tired lonely souls.

(6) Sometimes, travel can open our eyes to other's pain.

Travelling to places internationally and domestically - whether for pleasure or volunteer work - can open our eyes to pain and struggles across the world.  Seeing poverty and devastation should remind us of our blessings and motivate our hearts to serve in the same way Christ served us. Nothing leads to healing more than gratitude, and travel often opens our eyes to all we have received.

(7) Travel reminds us how small we are and how big God is.

When seeing the natural beauty of an ocean sunset or the historical loveliness of centuries-old cities, I can't help but feel awed (and slightly scared) by how tiny I am in this world. But, while praying in a monastery in Spain or wondering the busy streets of Manhattan or staring into the emerald shores of the Florida gulf, I realize that (1) I am not the first person to face whatever problems I currently face (whether it be balancing schedules or mourning a death or facing a breakup) and (2) I serve a God who is master of all these places.  We need to see the world and realize how inconsequential we might seem, to truly realize how powerful the One we serve is - that He cares about all the people in all these places, including us.  He commands the 7 seas and watches over the city that never sleeps and was the same God in ancient Rome as he is in 2015. He rules the whole world and all of time, yet He still sees and cares for me, a small town Mississippi girl, living in DC in the 21st century.  While travelling by train through European countrysides, still brokenhearted, that's what hit me the most: my tiny heart with it's worries, joy, stories, aches and pains mattered....and God saw and loved that heart, whether in Oxford, Mississippi or in Venice, Italy.

Safari with my sister, 2009

Dancing in FAO Schwarz, NYC, 2006

Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, NYC, 2014

Travel heals us. It gives us a chance to escape and reconnect with God, others and self.  It opens our eyes and reminds us of our blessings. It challenges us and encourages us and reminds us that life is worth celebrating.  Dave and I both agreed, early in marriage, that travel was a necessity for us - and that it was worth cutting money in other ways to ensure we could see the world. Last year, we went to the Smokies with his family and Canada on our own. This year, we venture to Florida for my family vacation and then Paris and Normandy for our own little getaway. And, just like the past, travel and the anticipation of travel help me walk through the hard times, mundane daily routine, and any disappointments life throws my way...because come June and September, I have the chance to celebrate and to enjoy beauty and fellowship and an escape from the norm. The truth is, every year will have its rough spots -- so each year, we will likely need an escape from some trial - whether to a nearby town or a foreign country - to reconnect, celebrate and heal.

Saying Yes to the Wait

Last week, I read this post (We Said "Yes" Too) about how we praise families for "saying yes" to all the children God will give them -but in reality, many men and women say yes to God and those babies don't come - or don't come quickly. The author pointed out how her home may not be "19 kids and counting" but she and her husband did say yes and continue to say yes to a home full of as many kids as He calls them to have. (Thanks Tiffany for sharing this article!)

The article hit home, not because I can even begin to empathize with this strong woman's many hard years of infertility struggles, but because the message of saying yes and then facing a period of waiting seems too often to be a theme in my own life.

We praise someone's courage when he or she boldly says yes to God's calling and nudges, but that praise often comes when these yeses are followed by quick action from God. We often see God's action as a clear indication of someone's willingness and obedience. (Joe said yes to God's calling and his ministry has now led thousands to the Lord.  Mary and John said yes to as many kids the Lord would give them and their home is filled with tiny footsteps constantly running around.  Anne said yes to purity, to dating with intention and seeking godly marriage, and a godly man snatched her up quickly!)

But, sometimes we feel called by the Lord, say yes and then actively wait and work and hope for response and movement that may takes years to come. And, those yeses aren't always celebrated, but they are just as valid.

In my own life, I have had times where I obeyed, where I willingly said yes -- and then, I waited. The answer may not have come quickly - but my willingness to say yes was no less valid.

Maybe you are saying yes too -- to callings, relationships, careers - and yet you face a time of waiting. You said yes to a house full of babies but your home and womb are still empty. You said yes to a godly marriage, to years of purity to honor both God and your future spouse, but your ring finger remains bare. You said yes to moving for a spouse's job, trusting God would open doors in response to your obedience, but yet you still look for a job. You said yes to ministry, sacrificing of yourself and maybe even moving to foreign countries - and yet the ministry does not grow and hearts remain unchanged.  You said yes to raising godly children to fear the Lord,to praying for them daily and teaching them God's words, yet your kids rebel.

Sometimes we say yes to God -- and nothing happens, at least nothing that we can see with our limited viewpoint. Sometimes we say yes to the wait. And, honestly, I think that is the braver yes....the one that is questioned by others (did God really call you to this city, this ministry, this life?) and sometimes even questioned by ourselves (is this really what He wanted?)

A yes to waiting, trusting and seeking joy amidst uncertainty.  A yes to future fulfilling of current longings and calling.  A yes to obeying even without seeing. A yes to vulnerability and hope and disappointment. A yes to change, growth and repentance. A yes to brokenness, struggle, surrender and pain during the wait. A yes to reminding yourself of God's goodness even when you do not feel it.

These are the harder yeses, the ones that must be said daily, the ones first entered into eagerly and boldly with such fervent hope and willingness --  and later quietly whispered under our breath, eyes full of tears, in submissive obedience as we fight to continue saying yes to things we yet see.

Keep saying yes to God's leading -- even if saying yes leads you first into the wilderness. The real boldness comes not just in saying yes, but in living in the times of waiting and uncertainty that may follow.

And while we are saying yes to the unanswered longings and callings placed on our hearts, God is saying yes to us -- to loving, providing and sustaining us; to hearing our broken prayers through sobs; to restoring hope and nurturing growth; to not wasting our times of waiting; and to giving us strength to continue saying yes to His will and His plans.

Feasting on Easter

obligatory Easter picture with Dave - this makes 4 Easters together

This Easter was wonderful.  Dave and I spend the 3 day weekend in Georgia with his family.  We all met at his sister's house and spent the holiday celebrating, fellowshipping and eating (lots of eating - thus why I am avoiding bread and hitting the gym this week). I spent time chasing nieces around, holding babies, having heart to hearts with my sweet sister in law, helping the kids hunt Easter eggs, taking neighborhood walks and cooking with the ladies. We devoured an Easter Feast on Saturday night: ham, tenderloin, macaroni and cheese, potato casserole, zucchini corn salad, sweet potatoes, green beans, chocolate cake, etc. We dove into the leftovers for Sunday lunch - and when I left Georgia, my stomach and heart were full. ( I have incredible in laws, by the way....I know this is not always the case, so I am extremely grateful)

Sisters and brother in law and 3 lovely nieces

This winter has been tough -- and more than I realized, my soul longed for Easter, for a chance to remember God's faithfulness to His people and his undeserved unending love and grace.

I've always loved Easter - a holiday to focus on rebirth and redemption, on hope and eternity, on freedom from our sin's damning consequences.  Our truth is that we are loved more than we could ever dare hope - so much so that our Lord would sacrifice His own beloved Son - just to wipe our slate clean. We have a future that extends far beyond the confines of our earthly timelines. We have eternal hope - but, sadly, my daily reality is not often centered on our future hope.

Lots of celebration with our nieces!

But, this spring, I am feasting on Easter (or at least trying really hard to feast!)  I am filling my soul to the brim with the all encompassing hope that will not disappoint. I am striving to believe the best and see this world through our Savior's eyes: broken but beautiful, needing a Savior in every moment, (whether seemingly inconsequential or life changing), inching closer to eternity and redemption.

our newest niece!

If I truly feasted on Easter, what would it look like in my daily life? 

If I feasted on Easter, every loss, every hardship, every pain would be heartbreaking, yet still illuminated by the promise of redemption.  Each broken moment would be a little less broken if I lived in the reality that the pieces would one day be put back together and whole in a way that I cannot even fathom in my present earthly state.  Each loss or hardship would be viewed from an eternal perspective - as a step towards heaven and a circumstance that will be redeemed for beautiful things either in this life or the next.

If I feasted on Easter, I would celebrate and laugh and soak up God's blessings with more awareness. All  joyful moments would point to heaven - a foreshadowing and foretaste of all good things to come.

Feasting on Easter would stir in my heart more forgiveness - both for others and myself.  I would live in awareness of my sin and need for grace - and display that same grace to others more often.  Kind words and gracious actions would flow from my heart and mouth.

If I truly feasted on Easter, then just like my body after a big holiday meal, my heart would be so stuffed full of hope that I could not imagine devouring one more morsel - yet still refusing to push my chair back from the table, still longing to eat just one more mouthful. I would sit at the table and greedily cram hope and blessing in, past the point of fullness.  I would return often, eagerly, expectantly. I would come to the table often, finding nourishment and fellowship, returning for more as often as I could.

If I feasted on Easter each day, then I would not live in fear.  I would wake up confident that no matter what the day held - whatever sin, failure - or even worse, "perceived failures" - my future remains secure - and I would go to sleep each evening, one step closer to a world of no tears, no war and only joy.  

If I truly feasted on Easter, then I would live each day aware that present situation is never the end to the story.  The battle is won! Death and sin are conquered.

If I truly feasted on Easter, it wouldn't be a holiday, just a way of living, my mindset during my daily journey - an eternal focus pointing towards to cross and towards the Savior daily. I would not need an Easter Sunday, because every day would be my celebration.

Oh, how I want to truly feast on Easter!! Lord, help us to live like it is Easter every day. Help us to see your glory, grace and forgiveness in all situations and all people. Help us to never lose sight of what our future holds because of the pain your past included.  Help us to feast on Easter daily.

Doesn't this melt your heart?

Needing Spring

Winter started out mildly - both literally and figuratively.  Reasonable temps, very little snow, happy moments, holidays and plenty of rest and joy. But, February hit hard -- snow, windchill, work, LIFE. With so much cold and darkness last month, my body and my soul long for spring and the past week has provided hope that warmer weather and happy days are on their way.

This weekend, we had our first real glimpses of spring in DC!  Dave and I took a nice long walk on the W & OD trail and enjoyed dinner on our patio one evening.  Dave wore a short sleeve polo and I wore a light jacket (good bye puffer coat!) to church on Sunday.  It was nice to run errands and not step in melting snow on my way out of the store. I even tried on my Easter dress as a way to celebrate the seasons changing (lovely dress, but PALE legs -- time for some sunless tanner!)

During our Sunday walk, I enjoyed the warm sunshine on my back while the cool breeze ran through my hair. I admired the wildflowers and tulips poking up from the ground and smiled at the kids riding their bikes past me. It seemed that the whole world was outside, enjoying the entrance of spring, celebrating that warm days do indeed follow the cold ones!!

I made a mental note to buy new sunglasses since I plan on spending as much time as I can outdoors over the next couple months.  I daydreamed of taking spring walks/runs each evening after work - AUDIOS gym, I am moving this gig outdoors! But, Dave reminded me that the sun is still setting between 7 and 7:15 so I shouldn't get too ahead of myself.  In a rare moment where I am more optimistic than Dave, I reminded him that sunset will continue to happen later and later, so SOON there will be daylight left for evening walks...we just have to eagerly wait!

The warm weather not only rejuvenated my body, it lifted my soul as well. What is it about the spring that beckons us to hope? The long awaited sunshine encourages us to believe the best about others, ourselves and our circumstances.  If temperatures can warm up, so can our lives, right?  Or at least our attitudes and perspectives. February was a tough month - and in a strange way, I am thankful for the snow and coldness because it forced me to hibernate, recover and rest. But, I am grateful for the past few days hinting at spring's soon arrival. I am looking forward to warm weather, cooler nights, sunshine, flowers peaking out of green grass, birds chirping, and leaves on the trees again!

What I love about living in this area of the country is that I get FOUR distinct seasons. Down south, we get all of the seasons too, but the spring and fall are oh so short and the winter is more rain than snow.  Essentially we have cold and wet or hot and humid with a few glorious fall and spring days separating the two extremes!  Our first year in DC, I remember feeling like I was reading a children's book - with illustrations of each season - except that I got to live out each picture! Hot sweaty summer days, walking through crunchy leaves, snuggling inside during snow storms and flowers peaking out through the snow, welcoming spring to come.

I think it's interesting that God allows us to experience four seasons because each season is representative of life stages and struggles. Of course, our life stages don't always line up with the calendar seasons, but we go through seasons too. Summer brings warmth. blessing and abundance. Even as a kid, we knew that summer was not the norm.  Pool days, beach trips, summer camps, sleeping in and ice cream trucks were wonderful but not the status quo, definitely not sustainable.  Fall reminds us of change and new experiences. Like spring, fall is a season that bids farewell to the old and ushers in the new. It is a time to grow and change and be challenged.  Winter is the least favorite season of many. It has shorter darker days, cold winds and snow storms -- but it also serves as a time of rest and recovery, reminding us that life can be found even in the cold moments. What I like about winter (particularly January and February) is that it gives us an excuse to hibernate and heal when life throws snowstorms our way (or when you are just tuckered out from a busy holiday season!)

But spring may be my favorite season. It is the arrival of NEW and WARM -- new flowers, new baby animals, warm breezes, lots of sunshine, new leaves on the trees! Spring brings life, growth and hope -- all three are things I am eager  to see in my own life. Spring is a time to shed our thick coats and come out into warmer weather. How wonderful that the most hopeful of seasons comes after the darkest one.

So, hurry up spring. Arrive for good. We need you, we patiently wait for you. We will enjoy and adore every wonderful morsel of your warm weather, cool breeze goodness.

(Writer's note: I drafted this earlier this week, but since then, the weather advisory for tomorrow is rain and snow flurries -- that's right, a chance of snow on the first official day of spring. <SIGH>  Luckily, the warmer weather seems to pick back up over the coming week.  Winter will not win. It will not get the best of us. Spring is surely on its way!)

Wine and Jesus

Popping my head in for a small update. Sorry to have been MIA folks, but life has been some kind of crazy these days.  As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, circumstances been challenging lately -the kind of tough where you just have to pause, pray, regroup and muddle through. Lots of prayers, a few tears and lots of sweets. But, what has really made life challenging has been the everyday stresses - late nights and early mornings working at the office, challenging deadlines, Jr league projects and duties outside of work, etc, etc. This afternoon, I hit a major project deadline - after a couple late nights this week, missed lunch breaks, project instructions being changed multiple times, etc, etc. Today, I was on the metro before 7 am and worked straight from 7 until 2:30, stopping once to use the restroom and get a bottle of water, goldfish and a pear from the kitchen. When I FINALLY finished, I stopped to catch my breath and thought:

"On crazy weeks like this one, I am so glad I have Jesus and Dave."

Don't be too impressed with me because my very next thought was:

"I am so glad God made wine"

After laughing at my desire for Jesus AND wine, I started thinking: Isn't it great that God gives us little blessings (like wine!) to help us get through hard days, stressful weeks and difficult seasons?  Distractions, encouragements, funny moments, small material things that make our day.  Don't get me wrong: Jesus is enough - even when it does not feel that way, but how kind of Him to sprinkle grace into our lives in the smallest of ways? ESPECIALLY when we need cheering up or relaxation.

I hate seeing my husband stress. If I can't take the stress away then I want to immediately cheer him up with a movie or favorite meal or picking up a beer he likes at the store.  When friends have challenging weeks, I suggest unwinding with a girls night or dinner out. Likewise, I think God knows that sometimes His plans or our circumstances can be hard waters to wade through - and although He may not lift the burden, He holds our hand as we push through and gives us the tools to get through -- scripture, prayer, community. AND, He's kind enough to provide little comforts to provide rest, joy and distraction along life's difficult paths.

So, when life gets stressful, cling to the one who knows the plan and who loves you even when you are messy.  Dive into the word, pour your heart out in prayer.  But, also, soak up the good! Enjoy the flowers and sunshine (you know, if you live somewhere other than DC). Watch a good chick flick. Listen to your favorite song while on the metro.  Get a fountain drink from Sonic.  Call an old friend. Buy a new shirt in your favorite color.  Eat a scoop of ice cream. Get a pedi. Curl up with the comfiest blanket you own and a good book. Take a weekend trip. Go for a run. And drink a glass (or two) of wine.  You may be waiting on big blessings in your life, but there is no reason why you can't enjoy the small ones, however trivial they might seem.

Blessings I am enjoying over the next week: my new pink vest, sleeping in on Saturday, wine, the return of Once Upon a Time to ABC, debating what I want to buy with my 3 Ann Taylor gift cards (yep, 3 whole gift cards!), finishing the 3 good books I am reading on my kindle, seeing The Drop Box at the DC showing, girl scout cookies, sushi for dinner tonight, seeing my two favorite nephews on Friday, trying out my new Jamberry nails, booking the massage Dave bought me for Valentines, hanging up my new Thimblepress pictures, cuddling and Netflix, and returning to the gym (worked through lunch every day this week so I missed my gym time- also I will need gym time as my list includes wine and girl scout cookies!)

So that's where I am at the moment -- dealing with life's struggles, crazy busy with work, Jr League and projects, tired body and weary soul, clinging to my Savior and diving into His word daily, but also enjoying the small stuff: you know, wine, girl scout cookies, pretty nails, cuddling, tv shows and books.

What I learned in the past year of life

Last week was my birthday. Yes, on a 3 day weekend which was glorious! I was able to sleep in a bit (although does anyone our age really sleep in past 8:30? I rarely do...), do a few chores, spend time with D, catch up on Netflix and have dinner with another couple.

My birthday falls just 2.5 weeks after the new year begins, so January is always (for good or bad) a time of reflection. During rough years, simultaneously turning older and facing a new calendar year either felt overwhelming as if looking back reminded me of all I felt I did not accomplish in the prior 12 months or felt freeing, like a chance to escape!  On good years, saying goodbye to the previous year felt a little sad, as if the unknown new year couldn't possibly top the last year.

The past year was both good and bad, so although I remember it fondly, I am grateful to see what the next year holds.  Here are a few lessons (both serious and humorous) learned in my last year of life:

(1) Give it a year.

2014 begin with a lot of frustration and disappointment. I felt like my life was full of struggles and I was also hurting for others that were facing their own trials.  At the beginning of the year, it seemed that some challenges would never end -- and yet 12 months later, life is different and better in so many ways. This seemed to be a trend for many in my life - and for that, I am very grateful.

(2) (For us) Yearly vacations are worth saving and splurging on. We should try to travel every year!

DC, marriage, work or job searching, volunteer work, obligations, studying for exams (D, not me!) can be exciting but also exhausting and mundane.  Everyday life has plenty of wonderful moments, but it's the stressful or boring moments that spur my heart on towards a little adventure.  Last year in particular, I was still in a temporary job and we did not have tons of extra cash for travel, but we decided to plan, save and purchase one part of the vacation at a time (plane first, then hotel, then tour/museum passes, etc) in order to make a cheap-ish adventure happen.  After a happy but challenging year, we were able to travel to Toronto.  The timing was perfect - right after I had started a new job and right after we moved.  It felt like a celebration for surviving the past year and a chance to catch our breath. Having time to explore, relax and reflect with D was amazing! Plus, as a planner, spending time saving and planning for this trip helped get me through the long cold winter!

In the process of saving for this trip,  someone made the comment about how I claimed we did not have much money, but I couldn't be that poor if I could afford this trip. I admitted that I was not really that poor in the grand scheme of things but our first trying year in expensive DC taught us a lot about cutting back and saving. And, I will admit, I felt a little defensive at first about how we spent our money, but then I reminded myself that we all have things that are worth splurging or saving towards...and whether everyone agrees or not, travelling is our splurge. One person may like to drive a nice car, wear expensive clothing, live in a cooler neighborhood, eat out often, etc. As a couple, our main splurge is travel. This may change as we have kids, but I really hope it doesn't change too much! Time spent exploring - whether domestically or internationally - is important to us!

So, I guess my point is: travel may not be your thing, but pick one thing to save and splurge for -- a nice piece of furniture, a new purse, a new camera, camp for your kiddos, eating at a fancy restaurant once a month, etc. If something is important to you and doable - with a little sacrifice -- don't feel badly about it, make it happen. When life is tight and circumstances are frustrating, it's nice to have one little splurge or treat to save for and get excited about.

(3) Create new traditions.

We live far away from both our families, so creating some new traditions was essential.  Cooking thanksgiving dinner with friends two years in a row (the first year in DC, the second year in NYC) has helped us start to make this holiday our own. We have other traditions too  -- like packing picnics for outdoor summer movies, walking to Georgetown on spring saturdays for coffee on the waterfront (clearly that tradition will be changing now that we live further out...)  I can't wait to create a few new traditions for our little family this year (including maybe doing our own little Christmas dinner and gift opening before heading home...)

(4) Parenthood is the best show about families on TV and I will cry when it ends this week. Also, everyone should have an "escape" show that they binge watch on Netflix.

This is somewhat humorous -- but somewhat serious.  If you don't watch Parenthood, commit to binge watch this snow on Netflix. It's amazing and you fall in love with the characters.

If you have watched Parenthood, then commit to watch another show.  I am one of the few believers that TV is a good thing. Too much TV is a bad thing, but television (or services like Hulu Plus, Amazon Prime or Netflix) can be a great cheap source of entertainment -- and when it was so cold last winter and the job search was disappointing, I LOVED coming home, putting my PJs on and curling up on the couch with D for a good show and distraction. (For the record, pre-D, I had plenty of stay in and watch TV nights with my roomies)

Also, on that note, BUY A ROKU....you won't regret it.  It was the best investment we made during our first year of marriage because it provided endless hours of tv and movie entertainment.

(5) The whole "less energy" as you age claim is true.  

A few years ago, I could get a few hours of sleep and function well, but now, I need 8. (or more...)
At first this was upsetting, but now I am embracing it....9:30 bedtime anyone?

(6)  Sometimes all you can do is accept that there are differences or hurt feelings and move past it.

We all hope for resolution in relationships -- apologies, acknowledgment that you were wronged or hurt, a conversation where both parties aim to do better.  Sometimes relationships change, sometimes people let you down and sometimes you don't get resolution.  I think the past year has taught me to mourn that and then move on. It may not always get resolved.  That's life.

But, I think it's also taught me that when you can get resolution - for yourself or someone else, do it.

(7) It is a blessing to have someone to "do life" with.

Marriage is great -- you know, romance, true love, commitment, etc.  You know what else? Marriage is extremely practical and comforting.  When the car needs a new starter, when we have to file our taxes, when I am sick and can't manage to cook dinner, there is someone here to help.  After talking to a single friend recently who just wanted someone to split the load with her, I remembered what a blessing marital teamwork is.  I've done life alone and I've done life with a co-pilot and it's easier together. Having someone else take the car to the shop may not be romantic, but I think that's the best part of marriage - splitting chores and sharing life.

(8) Embrace what is.

Embrace what is -- don't I sound zen? (quit laughing, family)

My first year of living in DC did not turn out exactly like I planned. It didn't turn out badly, but where we live, our friends, where I work, where we go to church - all turned out differently than I anticipated.  This was hard at first, but once I started to let go of what I thought would be, I enjoyed what was a lot more. 18 months in, I am enjoying friends, work, even living in the 'burbs (some days, ha)!

(9)  Single people are cooler.

Ok, married folks, don't get your feathers ruffled....you know it's true.  I am not saying that there aren't some really cool married folks. But, as a whole, singles are more fun.  I love married life with D-- and I still make an effort to do happy hours and girls nights, but the reality is that I was way cooler as a single person. (D was cooler too.)  I threw a lot more parties. I was invited to a lot more parties. I went to more charity events. I had more friends. I went to fun bars and restaurants more often.

Part of that changed because I got married - and part changed because I moved somewhere where I did not have as many friends. Oh, and part changed because I live in a more expensive city and can't afford to "go out" as much.

I love married life, so this isn't meant as a complaint.  My point is: single folks, keep dating, meet new people, pray the right person comes along....but, in the meantime, live it up and have a lot of fun...these are your coolest days :)

Thankfully, I have a lot of single friends so I still have brief moments of coolness.

(10) Being an Ole Miss Fan is tough, so being a lifelong Rebel is a true commitment.

I should know better: Don't get your hopes up because the Rebs will choke. I learned this lesson from the greatest Rebel fan I know (my dad).  Also, I have been an Ole Miss fan for 30 years now so this should be a lesson I have learned and relearned. But, after an incredible start this season, I have to admit, my expectations were higher than usual.  Even after a loss, I still expected a good season. Seeing the season unravel was difficult and it was even harder to see the Rebels fall apart at the Peach Bowl.  Compared to past years, Ole Miss did well this season, but at one point, it seemed that they would do so much better.

For the record, I never really thought the Rebels would go to the playoffs, but I did expect a stronger finish!  Hopefully this is just the first of many good years, all a little bit better than the previous one.

(See that, a foolish fan -- always a bit optimistic!)

Cooking my way through Bread and Wine

I loved the book Bread and Wine -- short essays/stories on love, family, hope and community - and how it all often happens around the table.  I grew up in a family that usually had home cooked meals and ate our meals at tables (for the most part...that became less consistent when we were in high school and had ballgames and play practices, etc.) We still enjoy sitting around the table whenever we are all home for a holiday or visit -- and usually, our request is for a cookout (What can I say? Southerners through and through.....)

This book challenged me to think about how I want mealtimes to look in our family (both now and with munchkins one day....) Dave and I cook most of our meals, but we don't always sit down at the table...part of this stemmed from necessity as we did not have a dining table for the first 4 months we lived in DC and it's been covered in boxes for the last month. Although we do usually sit down for dinner, it is often at the couch -- and I want to change that. Goal for the new apartment -- more meals at the dining room table.

And, hopefully, our dinner table can be the type of place that feels safe for our family - a place to unwind, laugh, vent after a long day at work; a place to hear stories of kindergarten, tests, soccer practice, art projects; a place to say evening prayers and discuss the Sunday sermon; a place to set out candles and grocery store flowers for our anniversary dinners and date nights after kids have gone to bed; a place for Saturday morning pancakes and pajamas; a place to decorate Christmas cookies and eat as many toppings as we can while decorating; and a place to blow out birthday candles and make wishes as each year goes by.

A childhood birthday

29th birthday -- if you compare the two birthday photos, apparently 

my mom's cake decorating skills improved as I aged :)

Saturday Morning Pancakes (my husband's family 

has a tradition of Saturday Pancakes)

Sweet Nephew decorating Cookies 

I also hope that it's a place that feels safe to others...that it's a place for church visitors to come eat Sunday lunch; a place for girls in dress up clothes to gather for tea parties; a place where family and friends stay up way too late catching up when they come to town; a place for teenagers to laugh and eat pizza and drink way too much soda; a place for those who can't go home for the holidays to come spend it at our house; a place for our kids to bring friends home from college; a place for wedding showers and baby showers and all type of celebrations; a place for girls nights and bottles of wine; a place where people feel free to cry, laugh and share.

Thanksgiving one year with family and friends - 

I've always been known to invite others over...and 

sometimes my last minute additions stressed my mom

out but it always worked out!

Our meager thanksgiving set up this year in DC

The Christmas table being set at my parents one year

It probably won't always be the same table. It certainly won't always be the same home.  And, as it happens now, sometimes these communal meals might take place in the living room or on the patio or curled up in pajamas with trays in bed (anyone else grow up with the occasional birthday breakfast in bed?) - but hopefully, the feeling created is the same. This is a busy, rushed, sometimes harsh world we live in, but for this short (or long) time each day, we sit down and this table and refuel - both physically and emotionally. (And you are welcome to come refuel with us!)

A NON TABLE meal: during the fall months, we spend a lot 

of meals in the living room, around the TV with tailgate snacks!

Another great aspect of Bread and Wine was that it included 20+ recipes that related to the stories she was telling. I have decided to make it my goal this fall/winter to cook through every recipe. (Something tells me my husband and our friends won't have a problem being my taste testers) These recipes vary from casseroles to soups to main dishes to desserts. Some recipes are healthy and some recipes are oh so deliciously not healthy.

And, while I am cooking my way through these delicious recipes, I plan to blog about these delicious foods, how to make them and whether we enjoyed the final results! I'm already two recipes into this challenge (both were amazing) and I can't wait to share!

(In case you were wondering (and you know you were...jk), my 

dream table would look something like this -- modern, hairpin legs, 

Eames-like chairs...so simple right? Yep, but super pricey!) And 

no worries, I would hang artwork on the walls!