Teasing and Mending Fences

One of my favorite things about Dave is something that used to drive me crazy (and sometimes still does, but it mostly makes me smile)

When we've been grumpy with each other, he usually pesters and flirts and tries to be affectionate with me -- all with me resisting - until I finally cave and smile or laugh or hug him back.

You see, Dave is - self admittedly - not always the best apologizer (In fact, the moment I realized I was going to marry him was a couple months into our relationship when he apologized after a big disagreement and told me he wanted to learn how to say he was sorry better for me...but that's an entirely different blog post!)

And, I am - self admittedly - the type of person who needs an apology and recognition of one's wrongs  in order to move on.  

And truthfully, we are just both quite stubborn about our own views at times.... :)

We are both improving on our extremes (no apology v. you must apologize, my way v. your way) but changes take work and TIME.

So, I don't always get my apology expressed exactly the way I want, but I have a husband who doesn't like for there to be a lot of tension between us - and a husband who doesn't want me to be upset at him too long. And, I don't like to stay upset at him. So when we bicker, usually an hour or so later, he's reaching for my hand and trying to make me laugh --- and I cave every time, but I first attempt to resist -- determined to be mad.  However, it takes no time before I am laughing and teasing back.

I'm taking a lesson from Dave -- when I cause tension, I am going to apologize AND try to make him smile. It's hard to stay angry with someone who is making you smile or laugh -- even when you really want to remain angry!

Apologies are nice- but actions are often nicer.  The fact that Dave dislikes that there was a rift made between us and he tries so hard to bridge that gap is precious.  And how fun to mend fences with a little hand holding and flirting :)

FALL FASHION WISHLIST

What's on your fall fashion wish list? I've started thinking about mine!!  Forgive me if some of my items are basic but I plan on buying a few professional clothing items including a new white button down (where did mine go??)

A few items on my fall wish list...

(1) Animal Print flats 

Whats not to love about this trend?


(2) thin solid color sweaters sweater 

These sweaters are perfect to wear with jeans and with pencil skirts - and I already have chunky pears and a chambray shirt, so I could rock this look !!!

(3) Puffer Vest 

I could put my puffer vest with my thin sweater and animal print flats to create this fun weekend outfit...

(4) a crisp white button up 

(boring, yes; BUT necessary and classic. TO BE FAIR, I warned you.....)

(5) colorful pencil skirts (particularly in EMERALD GREEN because its so in style this fall!)

(with my new crisp white shirt and the animal print heels I already own, I could make this look my own!)

(6) boring grown up loafers  

Loafers are perfect comfy metro shoes for on the way to work AND perfect to wear with skinny jeans and a sweater


(7) Cap toe flats

(8) metallic flats

....or if I wanted to combine some of my wish list items...the metallic cap toe flat!!

...OR and animal print metallic cap toe shoe (woooaaahhh 3 wish list items, one shoe)

(9) perfect little work dresses

(10)  with mix and match blazers!

(11) Longchamps tan tote bag  

This is ideal for city living because it's larger than a purse, but not a backpack! I could fit a pair of flats and lunch in one of these totes!

(12) tortoise shell jewelry

Junior High Katy would be tickled pink to know that tortoise shell would one day come back in style!

(13) pave bracelet  - preferably in gold because I already have chunky gold necklaces

(14) Leather skirt....

technically I probably won't purchase this look because I already have a leather skirt, but it's too big on me and this skirt is so sleek, don't you think?? So maybe I can watch til its on sale... :)

(15) A lumberjack shirt

This is a tip of the hat to my favorite country boy....and I do have a perfect pair of cowboy boots to go with this look!

WHAT'S ON YOUR FALL FASION WISH LIST?? WHAT ARE YOUR MUST HAVES?

Refusing to let Winter steal the Joy from my FALL

Sunday was the first day of Fall, although one could argue that fall had already arrived in DC. I've had plenty of cool morning walks to the metro and evenings where we turn the air conditioner off. A few leaves have changed colors and I have even cooked chili already!! I wore boots for the first time today.

Fall is a wonderful time of year - full of college football, pumpkin treats, sweaters, cocoa, chilly morning runs and wonderful cool evenings. Although fall is short in Mississippi, it is much celebrated and greatly anticipated, proving once again that things waited for (be it a baby, job offer or changing leaves) are most cherished!

Everyone here in DC states that Fall came early....normally the cooler temps don't start so early.  It's made me quite worried that winter will arriver early - that just like the elementary kid that grows taller first, our area of the country will reach a colder harsher winter much sooner.  If you know much about me, you know that I hate being cold. I love a good chilly wind on my face as long as I am wearing a warm jacket and have a scarf on, but I tend to fall apart in truly frigid temperatures. I like being outside, so I hate the weather being so dreary that it keeps you stuck inside.  I hate how winter seems to turn everyone "pudgier" - both in heavy attire and through heavy winter foods.  I dislike the lack of daylight. I dislike how lethargic winter makes everyone.

I didn't really like Mississippi winters and from what I hear, winters up here are colder and drearier! So when people in DC get excited about the early fall weather, my first thoughts - and sometimes my comments- are "Yes, its nice, but this means winter will surely come early!"

I don't know if I have been able to fully enjoy the blessing of fall because I've been too focused on the looming winter.  How sad would it be if I missed this lovely part of the year because I was focused on the season to come.  It can't be avoided, but it doesn't mean I have to stress about it now.  Isn't that how most of life is? We knows bad times will head our way, but we don't have to let it overshadow the current good times.

So, I am going to fully embrace fall -- after all, it's the most "FALL" fall I have ever hard.   Winter and its dreariness can be dealt with on another day and possibly even be appreciated for its own few benefits (hello movie nights, Christmas, soups and stews and cuddling on the couch!)

Until then, I plan to rock my boots and tights, pick out a pumpkin, enjoy plenty of college football, take chilly runs, cook lots of chili, bake pumpkin muffins, snuggle up in old sweatshirts, make s'mores with my sweet hubby, drive through the countryside to see the leaves falling and much much more. (There will possibly be a TO DO fall list soon, you all know I love a good list!)

Winter is coming, but I refuse to let this knowledge take the the joy out of my FALL!!

Singleness: Not a Distant Memory

AS PROMISED YESTERDAY, I AM GOING TO START POSTING ABOUT SINGLENESS AGAIN LIKE ON MY OLD BLOG (WELL, A FEW TIMES A MONTH AT LEAST), STARTING WITH TODAY....

I think that a LOT of people don't know what to say about singleness.  Actually, people don't know what to say about loneliness, pain, rejection, hurt in general....but singleness especially throws them.

While single, particularly after breakups and heartache, a popular "sentiment" to share went something like this.... (and note, the intention was right, although the words weren't.)

"One day you will meet the right guy and it will be like all this heartache never occurred."

"When you get married, you won't even remember how this felt."

"Don't worry, one day this will all just be a distant memory."

"When you meet the one that you will marry, you will forget all the ones that broke your heart."

First of all, I know I've only been married for about 12 weeks, but that's just not true.  Marriage to a great man is wonderful. It was worth the wait.  I'd go through all the bad first dates, breakups, disappointments, dateless weekends, "catching the bouquet", insensitive comments from others, weddings and events without a "plus one", rejection and tears in order to meet Dave.  I'd even go through the heartache and embarrassment of a broken engagement again if that was the path required to meet my sweet husband.  As painful as the path was at times, it proved to be fruitful - not only in meeting a wonderful man to marry, but also in shaping me into who the Lord is making me to be.

BUT, as worth it as the journey may have been and as willing as I would be to relive it in order to arrive at where I am now, meeting Dave or even marrying him did not make those years disappear in my memory.  Singleness and the accompanying challenges are still very present in my mind, still very much a part of who I am and who I am becoming.

It's belittling of a single's struggles to pretend that gaining something you are waiting for immediately erases the years of waiting and struggles.  It's belittling to singles:  the pain wasn't very real if it's immediately forgotten.  (Few things are more irritating that the implication that a struggle wasn't real) It's belittling to God: every hard moment is used by Him in a person's life - if the memories of those trials immediately goes away with marriage, then marriage is the Savior, and its not. Marriage isn't what sustains us and overcomes our bad times, our Savior does.  And, as I learned, that sustenance and comfort often comes in the midst of, not in replacement of, times of waiting.  If Marriage brought immediate healing for the painful times of singleness, then what need do I have for a Savior now that I am married?

Additionally, despite the breakups, bad days, frustration, I also had lots of girls nights, wonderful dates, times of growth, travels, laughter, adventures, accomplishments, etc.  I don't want my single years to be a "distant memory" -- those years, good and bad, shaped me.  Just as marriage is shaping me now.  To think that I "arrived" and could forget the past, however rough it might have been, is not only inaccurate, it's sad.  Those moments existed. Those moments were my life.  I don't want to forget - even the moments I might want to forget, I can't and I don't think I'd be better for forgetting.

Because remembering those struggles makes me a better wife, a better sister, a better friend.  Remembering those years points me to me Savior.  Remembering the pain of being left makes me so incredibly grateful for the man that stayed and even more importantly grateful for a God that is faithful.  Remember those years also reminds me of the many good happy moments and wonderful  blessings of my life.

So, meeting and marrying my sweet husband didn't immediately make every painful memory disappear, nor would that be best for me. So those claims by others that marriage makes you forget all the ones who hurt you and all the hard memories is wrong.  Those people and those memories may not hurt me as much anymore, but they still shaped me.

What people mean by their comments is this: "These hard times, these hard circumstances, can and  will be redeemed."  That's true. That's biblical. One way or another, He will restore.

Not on our timeline. Not always in the way we hoped....but He will redeem every painful memory, either here or eternally.  After all, "He will make every sad thing untrue." That's redemption. That's the gospel.

And speaking as someone who is currently living in the grace of God's restoration, even the most painful situations can be redeemed.  I wish my path had gone more smoothly.  I wish it had included fewer painful memories. But then, I wouldn't fully know the Joy of God's redemption.

Posts on Singleness: More to Come

I promised to keep writing about singleness a few times a month -- just like I used to in my old blog--and I have been slacking on that promise.  Despite being married and quite happy with marriage, I still feel single in so many ways, I am having a hard time settling into the stereotypical marital rolls (lots of nights in......which is partly brought on by 2 months on one income in a very expensive city). I guess it makes sense that I still resonate with singleness.  It's how I have spent a majority of my adult life thus far and it's a state of life that I loved and hated all at once.  When singleness is a way people identify you (and trust me, in Jackson, MS, you are identified for being single), it becomes a way in which you identify yourself....except I like to think I took the stereotype and made it mine on.  Single, but social and happy.  Independent, but so independent that I didn't need other.  Fulling using my free time to do and try new things, travel new places, enjoy the time where my only daily focus had to be me, but at the same time using that free time to become involved with ministry and foster community and friendships. I mean, it's not how I always lived life, but I sure did try to find the balance.

I partly haven't written about singleness because I have been busy adjusting to marriage and even more so, adjusting to a new city and new people.  A lot of what I have written has dealt with my new changes.  But, I partly haven't written about singleness because I fear being a "know it all" or coming off as condescending.  I somewhat resented people who were married and writing about singleness as if they have all the answers....but the difference is I was recently single.  I probably have a lot more to say about singleness than I do about marriage.

So, all that to say, I'm back...I will try to have atleast 2-3 posts on singleness and/or young adulthood a month....the good and bad!!! And, maybe I can even throw in some comparison posts to marriages....because believe it or not, there are some things I miss about singleness....BUT I don't miss those things enough to wish I was still single, ha!!! (too many challenges as a single)

Thankful: Day trip to Lancaster, PA

Yesterday Dave and I met Marley, Bech and Jack Attack in Lancaster, Pennsylvania for a fun fall day of apple picking, "amish stalking", traditional amish food and viewing Bech's artwork featured in a show! Dave and I then came home for an evening of football! The weather was perfect and the company was even better, and after leaving, all I could think was that I was thankful!

I'm thankful for cooler temps in DC and long sleeves!

I'm thankful for a day with my sister and brother in law.

I'm thankful for the energy and personality of my silly little nephew.

I'm thankful for apples, pumpkins, gourds and hay!

I'm thankful to have a sister nearby - for day trips, weekend visits and holidays - and in case of any emergency!

I'm thankful for a cute husband in a fall sweater :)

I'm thankful for family with a sense of humor.

I'm thankful for such a talented brother in law.... we're so proud of his work! (And I am even lucky enough to have a few pieces!)

I'm thankful for an evening of sweats, football and an easy lazy dinner of snack food!

I am so thankful for DC in general. We are quite happy here, but yesterday was such a blessing.  When we are busy trying to meet people and settle in here in DC, it was so nice to see family and have a day together with people we already know and love.  I feel like this will be the first of many day/weekend trips for the 5 of us!  We both moved far away, but how kind the Lord was to let us move near each other.

Remember Today. Debate Tomorrow.

Can I vent for a moment?

Racism is wrong. Assumption that everyone in a group is the same is wrong.  Whether motivated by fear or anger or hatred, it isn't right for Americans to assume that every muslim is a terrorist or a radical and it certainly isn't right to assume that muslim Americans are any less "patriotic" simply based on dress or skin color.

Trust me, it angers me when those things happen, and it angers me when people use 9/11 to justify their racism and hatred...because a small group of people don't define the whole culture, just like its wrong to assume all Christians are like the men and women at Westboro Baptist Church.

ALSO, I, like almost everyone else in America, want peace in the Middle East, even if we disagree on political topics involving the region.

But you know what angers me just as much? When people are so concerned with being "politically correct" or "not offending" or even just in "promoting peace" that they can't just remember 9/11 without bringing these things up. 3,000 people died that day and nothing indicates that those people for racist or bigoted or pro war.  Those people didn't die for an evil cause, they died for being Americans who happened to work in certain buildings or get on certain flights that morning.  Their deaths should not be used to politicize one issue or another. DON'T CHEAPEN THEIR DEATHS BY TYING YOUR AGENDA TO IT.  9/11 may be a date that begin a time in America's history that you don't like, but these men and women did not cause that.

I've noticed the trend on facebook the past few "9-11's"...to make sure to mention peace and disagreements with war and a belief that we categorize all muslims as terrorists.  Even statuses remembering include commentary on racism or peace....SERIOUSLY, can it not just wait a day?

Your opinions may be valid and legit, they may spark great debate that needs to occur, they may even change my mind on an issue....but not today, not in a day where we should remember and honor.  Voice your opinions and critiques later.

I can be quite opinionated on political and moral issues, but I promise to keep my views on war and racism to myself today too.

Today I just remember the men and women who woke up and kissed loved ones goodbye and maybe made comments about when they would be home for dinner or  that they would call when their plane landed.  Today I remember heros that bravely prevented a 4th target by taking over that plane.  I remember children who lost moms and wives who lost husbands and parents who lost children.  I remember heros in ran into a burning building and ended up dying in the rubble. 

I remember because it could have been me or someone I love. Just someone living life. But, it wasn't me, by God's grace, and that's why I have to remember.

It's horrible when someone fighting for America loses his life, but its downright tragic when someone  who has nothing to do with war or military is attacked for no reason, other than being American.

Lives were lost and America was changed. But, even more intimately, to those individuals and their families and friends, their lives were personally changed....which is why today has to be solely about remembering them and remembering a more innocent America.

Remember Today.  Debate tomorrow.