Love: Choosing Well

If you have read my blog for several months or follow me on facebook, you've probably seen me post articles about soul mates and you have realized by now that I don't buy into the whole "Soul mate" theory on love. I don't think we have a soul mate that meets all our needs and I don't believe we find that person and live a life of rainbows, unicorns and flowers. I believe that love is a mixture of feelings and choice.

The idea of having one soul mate that you must find to be happy and in love is quite fear provoking-- what if you don't find him? What if he is already married? What if you make a mistake and marry the wrong guy and your soul mate is still out there? At that point, are you justified in leaving your marriage to find him? What if you quit loving him?

But, the flip side is also a little daunting. If you can marry many different types of men, do you have to settle for someone? Does that mean romance is gone? Is it more like a contract than a marriage? How do you pick? Do you find someone practical with whom you have no romantic feelings for and settle down? I have jokingly said that I could have married many different men and probably made it work (not so romantic right?) -- but God is sovereign and allowed me to marry one special guy. There may not be soul mates or star crossed lovers, but there is a God who often time directs our paths and opens doors - which is why out of all the guys I could have ended up with, I ended up with D.  (FYI, I don'st say ALL the GUYS to mean LOTS of guys were asking for my hand in marriage, I mean ALL the GUYS in the sense that there are many godly great men out there who could have and would have made a good husband. I am particularly grateful though that the person I married is D!!)

So here is a recent article from the Huntington Post entitled, "Real Love is a Choice" Check it out because the author is far more eloquent than I am. And I love that it is a secular article.  Christians and non-Christians alike are noticing the need for more commitment in our relationships.

Many times, we choose to love our spouses...and I suppose the longer you are married, the more love becomes a dance between feelings and choice-- alternating between periods of time where you wake up completely enamored with this other person and you can't imagine walking through life without him and days, weeks, even months where love feels more like a choice, a commitment, based on vows not feelings. And, even on a daily basis, we alternate between desiring to please and love our spouse and moments where we want our way and must choose to lovingly place him or her first.

Sometimes love is a choice made separately from your spouse -- where you chose to put them first, to honor and cherish them despite a lack of emotions encouraging you to do so.  But, sometimes love is a choice together -- realizing that marriage isn't living in a viral engagement video, honeymoon facebook album or a blockbuster romantic comedy. Most days, it's paying the bills, cooking dinner, sharing the same viruses back and forth, watching tv, cleaning toilets.  In these days, marriage may be a happy commitment, with accompanying feelings, but it is still a commitment, still a choice, definitely not always a fairy tale.

I consider myself a realist -- realistic enough to know that love is often times a choice, but also hopeful enough to believe that you can choose a spouse that makes the choice a little easier most days.  Just because I believe love will involve a lot of commitment doesn't mean I don't still want the feelings as well.  I think picking wisely can help make the daily choice to love a bit easier at times.

My thoughts on choosing a spouse that makes "choosing love" a bit easier:

1. Choose to marry someone with whom you are "in love" and feel attraction. I feel like this is obvious. This is not an arranged marriage or two people deciding they are suitably matched to be business partners for life. Fall in love, enjoy loving and being loved in return. Pick someone who you find attractive -- physically, emotionally, intellectually.  This won't guarantee that you always feel love, but it's a good place to start. On days that you want to choose not to love your spouse, on days you want to quit, hopefully you can remember your original feelings and why you loved them.

2. Choose someone whom you respect and admire.  Attraction and love are great, but make sure you are marrying someone who you admire and respect.  Marry someone whom you would think was a great person even if he or she wasn't your spouse...someone who portrays character traits and discipline and has goals that you respect. It will still be hard sometimes to love this person, but it is easier to love someone whom you generally think pretty highly of.

3. Choose to marry a Christian. He or she does not have to be a preacher, elder, biblical scholar, but someone who loves the Lord, loves His church and who seeks to serve Him and grow.  Being unequally yoked makes for a hard marriage.

4. Choose to marry someone who has dealt with hard times.  Someone once asked me what had prepared me most for marriage and my response was having roommates (see #5) and enduring hard times.  I think it's one of the things I find so attractive about my husband. He has had disappointments and hardships and pushed through.  I feel strongly that he can handle any challenges life and marriage throw our way. I trust that he will strive to choose love even when its hard.

5. Choose someone who has chosen to love others well.  Marriage is not the only relationship where we have to sometimes choose love over ourselves.  Find someone who treats others lovingly, who chooses to act kindly to family, friends, neighbors, roommates, cashiers at Walmart.

6. Choose to marry someone who repents and forgives easily.  Whether you feel head over heals in love or are choosing to love when it's hard, you will screw up and fail to love well at times.   It's best for both partners to repent and forgive well.

***And of course, when we seek mates with these qualities then for sure, we should be striving to do the same things...learning to handle hard times, loving others well even when that love is a choice, practicing repentance and forgiveness in our daily lives, etc.

I'm not an expert in love or marriage -- with almost a year and half of marriage under my belt, most would call me a novice. We can't control who we fall in love with, but we can choose who we marry. Love is a choice, and oftentimes it may be a hard choice - but choosing well at the beginning may help make that choice a bit easier.

Also, on one last note: I am a big believer that often times, feelings follow choice.  In marriage, in relationships: choose to love, choose to serve, choose to forgive and the Lord can supplement that choice with feelings.

Lots of Changes: Settling In and Recovering

Settling into Work

A fellow blogger recently asked me if I ever found a new job -- and I realized that after sharing some about my job search journey over the past year, I never shared the good news (so sorry!)  This summer, I got a promotion at the Government Affairs/Public Relations firm where I worked last fall and spring...moving from a temporary position to a permanent one! Thanks for all the good concern and prayers as I looked last spring!

This June, I was in the process of interviewing other places when the head of PR approached me about working in his department.  An associate was leaving later in the summer and he wanted me to interview for the position.  I was able to start working in PR at the end of June, but it took a couple months to get all the details worked out and make me official.  (August Recess where most of DC shuts down slowed down the process tremendously!)  I did not share this wonderful news earlier out of superstition and fear that things would not work out. I had many set backs over 9 months of job searching-- government shutdowns, job opportunities falling apart last minute, etc. so as silly as it sounds, I did not want to jinx things by announcing it to the world.

Then, when things became official, I forgot to share with y'all because I had been in the position for a couple months so it wasn't really "NEW" news for me!

I am having to learn a new field and how to use my skill set in the PR world. There was definitely a learning curve at first. I tend to like the policy/government affairs side of things better BUT working at this particular firm was always a goal of mine (since law school) and it's exciting to be here full time, even if it meant switching departments.  It's also nice to have an office with a door I can close again -- and have a little corner of the work world that is completely mine! Once we finish settling into the new apartment, I plan to decorate --- aka, add some pictures and artwork to my office! I have the perfect set of Jackson, MS prints by Thimblepress that I want to hang to remind me of my Mississippi home while here in DC!

**Note: Although my job search was difficult, I was so blessed to have a temporary (although it turned out to be not so temporary) entry level position.  I know so many people are not even that fortunate and I never want to portray that my short bout of semi-employment is nearly as difficult.  I had never spent much time thinking about how unemployment can affect you not only financially, but emotionally and physically as well (Seriously, I had so many headaches and knots in my back -- I think Dave is relieved that I am fully employed because I don't ask for backrubs as much!) We often don't think of others' battles until we have a short glimpse of that trial ourselves, but now, I feel my heart, prayers and hopefully my actions will reflect more concern for those that are out of work.



Settling into our Apartment

I loved our location last year, so it's no secret that I moved to the new more spacious but more suburban apartment kicking and screaming. Honestly, had I been single still, I would have chosen location over space, but I know that what is best for us and our family is having more space and more storage -- so that we can have a guestroom/study, maybe one day a nursery-- plus we can actually have all of our clothes fit in closets AND more comfortably host guests, etc.

My two criteria for moving was (1)the apartment must have a patio or balcony and (2) we must decorate the new place  and make it our own. Our last place was never fully decorated -- partly because of lack of money and partly because of lack of space to do projects (Seriously, where in a 625 square feet and no outdoor space do you paint a piece of furniture??) Now we have more of both money and space and are tackling projects and decorating our space a little each weekend. Dave does not always love this "project mentality" but he mostly humors me since it was our agreement.....and since we will likely live in this apartment until we can afford to buy a place, I think we both really want to feel like this place is our home -- even if we put it together piece by piece!

We already had a couple friends in the neighborhood and have made a few more, so slowly but surely, we are settling into suburban living. I promise to show more pictures when we finish, but until then, here are a few snapshots of the projects we have been busy with around the house!

We've added a little fall decor to the apartment, particularly at the dining table.....

I've painted several pieces of furniture including this bookcase for our bedroom...

We started putting together a gallery wall because I am currently obsessed with gallery walls... BUT the wall already looks different as we have added piece and sadly we had a frame break when it fell!

Our guest room was probably the simplest room to decorate and is therefore, the most complete! I still have a couple small projects for the room, but it's the most presentable room we have -- which is good because we have TONS of fall guests, yay!

A little living room decor with a fall theme.....

Recovering

Now that life has some normalcy (but is it ever really normal?), I have felt an extreme need to just recover. Recover from job searching and rejections and leads that did not follow through. Recover from a first year in DC that did not exactly go as hoped or planned. Recovering from things that can't be helped like shutdowns and bad economies and hiring freezes.  Recovering from hurt feelings and disappointments. In the process of job searching, you receive help from many people (including some that you don't even know well) but you also have some people who you thought would be more willing to help but don't volunteer to help you out. You have a lot of dashed hopes when jobs seem that they will work out but then fall apart! Also, when moving to a new city, you have some groups of people that include you immediately and some that don't. My only tip to these situations is to focus on the many many kind people, show a little grace to others and to remember how this stage felt so that you will be a good friend to others facing similar circumstances!! (Seriously, I want to be that annoying person who sends out other people's resumes to everyone in my email list, ha!)

For me, recovering has also meant working to let go of frustration that DC did not immediately turn out how I thought it would  -- or how it had been in the past. Remember, I spent 3 summers living and working here and had previous experiences in this city in which to compare our life.  Where we live, where we go to church, friendships, neighborhoods may look different than I originally wanted or imagined it would, but different does not mean bad. Ups and Downs, we are making our own little life here.

When things finally worked out with my job, I took a sigh of relief and realized just how stressed and worried I had been for several months. It has almost been a comfort that we have lots of little projects around the house right now. It has been nice to throw myself into something and spend more time around the apartment and spend a lot of time with Dave, rather than busying myself away from home.  Also, it was also very fitting that as the job situation worked itself out and we moved to the new apartment, we were able to go on vacation to Toronto and enjoy time together, celebrating this happy (yet challenging) first year of marriage and DC!


I love living in DC and am glad to fill a bit more settled here... until the next challenge right? I feel God doesn't ever let us get too settled, because change, frustration and waiting must grow and improve us in ways that can't be achieved without their presence in our lives. But, for now, I take a deep breath and thank God for the breathing period - to settle, recover and enjoy my many blessings....and to pray for those that still feel unsettled in areas of life - career, relationships, family, location.  Hopefully, as this time of moving, settling in and recovering comes to an end, I will be a bit more frequent poster on this blog!

October!

I think I blogged a grand total of two times last month. I have to do better, but I promise that you didn’t miss much --- most of what I was doing was unpacking, moving furniture, painting furniture, watching football, adjusting to my new commute, cooking dinner, grabbing the occasional happy hour with friends. Nothing worth writing home about, just living life, all the good, bad and ordinary moments! I am hoping to get back on the blogging bandwagon after a few months of writing inactivity!

October is here -- and goodness, it sure is glorious. Where last month, we had doubts whether the new season had officially arrived, October make's Fall official. Leaves are starting to change and temperatures are dropping. Mild afternoons are followed by chilly evenings. I truly hope to soak up all the glorious early Fall days where both a breeze and sunshine kisses your cheeks, where the leaves make their fantastic colorful farewell for the year, where simple hay seems charming, when you consider Pumpkin as an essential food group and you want to borrow someone's kid so you can take him to a pumpkin patch! Fall gives you the best of both worlds - indoor fun and outdoor fun! You can enjoy a warm-ish afternoon outdoors, followed by a hot bowl of chili, fuzzy socks and throw blanket inside on the couch. I will admit that I have already cooked Chili and worn tights exactly once  - and I have worn boots twice, but now I feel free to unashamedly wear, eat and enjoy all the wonderful treats that make fall fun.  I understand that there are memes and buzzfeed articles all over facebook and pinterest making fun of how white girls, middle class girls, sorority girls, etc obnoxiously LOVE fall -- and that's fine, I am 100 percent okay with being this stereotype or generalization.

(for the record, I don't think I even own a pair of yoga pants, although I do own leggings)

Ok October obsessive talk over -- Moving on the monthly goals.  I accomplished most (but not all) of my September goals, but I am choosing to see the glass half full (of Chardonnay of course!). The good news is that I did get a lot accomplished. And I can move whatever I didn’t accomplish to October!

SEPTEMBER GOALS

·                     Finish unpacking and organizing after our move! Well, we are almost there – but in the midst of projects, decorating, company and you know, life and work, we still have a few boxes of winter clothes to sort through. Hoping to finish that this weekend.  Then we will be done. Luckily for me, the boxes are tucked into the hallway closet so they aren’t annoying me daily with their presence!

·                     Give away/throw away some clothing as we unpack.   We have a few boxes of clothes and books packed up for the Jr League “Tossed and Found” sale this spring.  I am hoping that as I finish sorting through the last couple boxes, I can find a few more things to get rid of!

·                     Complete 3-5 apartment projects on my own. I hung pictures, polished a few wooden pieces of furniture and finished up psome pieces my mom helped me paint by applying a final coat of wax. But, alas, I did not hit my goal of 3-5 projects!

·                     Complete 3-5 apartment projects with my mom.  1.We set up kitchen shelving units (ok my dear hubby set them up) and organized them. 2-4. we painted (and I later waxed) 3 night stands. 5. We set up the guest bed and my mom started a bed skirt which she plans to finish and bring me next weekend.

·                     Pray for others! I hate to even cross this off my “to do” list as an accomplishment  because yes, I did pray for others, but I still don’t pray for them enough – and probably never will pray enough, in general. It’s something I always want to work on!

·                     Read 1-2 books off my list.  Kindof. I read Divergent this summer (it was on my reading list) and on my list, I mentioned that I wanted to read the 2 other books in the series as well--- so I did!

·                     Cook 2 "Bread and Wine" recipes.   I did try a few new SIMPLE dinner recipes, but none were “Bread and Wine” recipes.  Sadly, trying any recipe that was more than 5 ingredients did not mesh well with the whole unpacking, decorating, organizing framework of my life this month. Hopefully, I can try a couple recipes this month!

·                     Start buying our Christmas gifts for others and Dave's birthday gifts.  I made a small start to this goal, buying Dave his birthday gifts and one Christmas gift. Time to start tackling that list a bit more aggressively this month!

·                     Work out 3 times a week. Boom. Really proud of myself for being able to cross this one off the list!

·                     Eat in most nights.  We got out of moving/vacation mode by cooking meals this month. I have a longer commute and Dave gets home a lot earlier, so we have come up with a great system. Basically I put together the casserole or marinade for the meat in the morning and Dave cooks it when he gets home.

·                     Buy a mum! My mom bought me a mixed plant with mums and other flowers to sit on my balcony. But, I would like to buy one for our front door as well. Maybe this weekend…

·                     Decorate our guest room.  The guest room is basically done – just need to hang a couple more pictures which is on the agenda for tonight – and put the bed skirt on.  Of course, there are things I would love to do to the room – like replace the walmart bookcase with a nicer one or replace the desk legs with hairpin legs, but its presentable for now! And ready for guests! However, while I have been cleaning out our clothes, the guest bed has served as a catch all, so while it may be decorated, it is also quite messy at the moment!

·                     Save a little each week for an IKEA/Home Goods/Target shopping trip with mom when she comes.  Saved and Spent. It was a long day at Ikea, topped off with one of their delicious cinnamon rolls!

·                     Put a little money into our "One Day Europe" jar each week. Sadly, nope, no money went into our Europe jar. It all went to Ikea.

·                     Enjoy our balcony as much as possible! We have enjoyed our balcony and we have spent a lot of time outside on the balcony painting furniture, ha! Probably one of our favorite things to do is open the sliding balcony doors and let a little cool air in while we eat dinner or watch tv. I am ready to get a grill and enjoy the balcony a little more!

OCTOBER GOALS

• Hang up a Gallery Wall in our living room. I have a pile of art, prints and other decorations to put on the gallery wall. Just waiting until we have everything framed and ready to hang.
• Purchase dining room chairs. That is being done this weekend! We had some old cheap ones that still serve as desk chairs/extra seating BUT we need some new chairs for the dining room table.
•  Cook 1-2 recipes from “Bread and Wine” Let’s try this goal again….
• Hang Pictures in my office. It's a little bare...
•    Paint our bedroom bookcase and my dresser gray.
•  Paint our kitchen stools.
•   Finish unpacking and organizing the closet. (moved to this month from last month, almost done!)
• Order a wedding Picture for the dining room. Yep, we never ordered a print, but I am going to order one on canvas to hang in our dining room.
•    Read a book (preferably one from my book list, but I’ll just be proud if I read a book during this busy month!)
• Celebrate D’s 30^th birthday!!
•  Add a few fall touches to our apartment. A pumpkin, another mum, a burlap wreath – heck, even just a bowl of candy corn. We need a little fall décor to liven the place up!
•    Make an effort to do 2 fun fall activities – farmer’s market, pumpkin patch, winery visit. And, no, doing 2 winery visits will not count as 2 fun fall activities.
•  Enjoy our two sets of visitors this month!
•  Halloween Costumes! Eek, it’s so close and I have yet to search!
•   Buy several Christmas gifts! (ongoing goal so that it does not hit me all at the last moment!)
•  Put a little in our Europe Jar.
•  Go to the gym before work 1-2 mornings a week. Dave and I have recently committed to this goal, but we have done it twice in 2 weeks, so obviously we need some pre dawn motivation – and quite possibly, an earlier bedtime.
• Blog More.  I almost forgot that one!

So…what about you? Have any goals for the month? Projects, financial goals, fitness goals? New recipes or books or crafts? Habits to break? The beginning of the month is a clean slate – a whole new 31 days to get things done!

Fall Wish List

Today is the first official day of fall. In the DC area, we have been experiencing chilly mornings, pleasant afternoons and even have some trees kissed with just a few red and orange leaves. But now, it's official - the days are getting shorter and cooler and bitter cold winter days are inevitable - but, through God's goodness, we get to enjoy 2 lovely months of sweater weather, cool breezes and sunshine and tons of fall yumminess, beauty and decor before settling in for colder months.

And, almost on cue, summer knew it's days were soon ending and blessed us with a warm front this weekend before cooler temps returned today. I was able to enjoy windows open, sunshine, shorts and t shirts - to properly say goodbye to sweet summertime. All enjoyed, of course with a glass of wine and my current favorite warm weather drink, a Mississippi Mule. (If I could sum up summer 2014 with one drink, it would indeed be the mule. But time to pick a fall beverage of choice!)

D and I have been talking about fall - and enjoying DC and the surrounding area. We both love being outdoors and experiencing the area-- and we both know these pleasant days are limited.**   We came up with a few fall "to do" goals (Let's be honest, we discussed it, and only I was nerdy and am making a list.

OUR TO DO LIST:

1. Lots of football watching

2. 1-2 "fall" activities - pumpkin patch, corn maze, apple picking

3. Fall winery visit

4. Dress up for Halloween! 

5. Driving around NOVA to see fall foliage

6. 1-2 fall day trips -- while the weather and scenery is gorgeous, we thought we might explore some nearby towns. We plan on going to Harper's Ferry and hopefully one other town!

7. Eat lots of chili - already started!

8. Thanksgiving/Macys parade in NYC

9. Take time to do/see a couple things we have yet to do in DC since moving here (particularly outdoor activities) - wonder through the art garden, go to the botanical garden, etc.

10. Do a haunted ghost tour, etc. (There is one in Alexandria we are eye-ing)

11. Go to the Falls Church farmer's market.

12. Fall Premiers (Judge away, I love having a few weekly shows to keep up with!)

Our First Official Chili

BONUS TO DO: Explore our new 'hood. While not as cool as the last neighborhood (but 250 extra square feet is cool, I tell myself), there are fun restaurants and shops nearby. We want to explore this area. Obviously this is not a FALL GOAL as it has little to do with the autumn months, but nonetheless, this goal will be tackled this fall.

A few personal Fall goals:

1. Buy a mum (I still haven't, although that's a September goal too, so I better hurry up!)

2. Add a few small fall touches to our house. (I have tons of Christmas decor, but not many fall decorations) If I start buying a couple decorations a year - then by the time we have young kids, it will feel warm and "fall-y" for them.

3. Cook a few NEW fall recipes -- pumpkin, soups, grilled cheeses, different chilis as mentioned above!

4. Sweatshirts and wine and good talks with D (or friends) on the porch. (it's really a patio, but being the southerner that I am, I often refer to it as a porch.

5. Finish getting our new place decorated enough to have friends over for football or cooking out at least once this fall, hopefully more!

6. Buy a new pair of boots or booties -- many of my boots need to be replaced, so time to start watching for deals!

7. Read more books...on the porch when its good weather, curled up on the couch as it gets cooler.

8. Buy a grill.

9. Decorate a pumpkin - carve it, paint it, do something!

10. Buy sunflowers for our apartment!

Of course, I will gladly add some other traditional activities in to the mix like cider drinking, smores making, wearing crazy amounts of scarves...but these things will happen so naturally that there is no reason to add them to my personal list.

It's going to be a good fall-- one of the best things about living in this area of the country is having 4 full seasons. I feel blessed to witness beauty in every stage of the year.

**I know, I know, I whine about winter a lot...and I am not a fan of frigid temps and lack of sunshine, but even I enjoy having a couple months after the busy and fall/holiday season to stay in, invite friends over, cook warm soups, cuddle, binge watch tv shows on netflix, drink cocoa and go to the movies. Alas, even winter has its own blessings - but I am glad I get Fall first!!)

Fall Love and September Goals

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??? September has officially arrived. While we were packing, moving and vacationing, the summer season came to an end -- I know, I know, it doesn't technically end until 3rd week of September, but it's essentially over.  Kids are back in school (I say this as if I have kids.....), lovely fall mums have appeared at grocery stores and farmer's markets, college football has returned (PTL) and Starbucks is already selling their pumpkin spice lattes.

Just ignore the 92 degree weather today.... :)

But seriously, after a vacation in Canada where I had to wear pants and long sleeves a couple afternoons, I feel I have had a lovely brief taste of what's to come -- crisp mornings, pumpkin patches, fleece jackets, chilly runs and leisurely evenings spent in sweatpants on the balcony, drinking wine or cocoa. However, a return to HOT DC left me grateful for a few more warm days ahead.  We had a brutal winter last year and word on the street is that we are in for a similar winter this year.  Fall is my favorite season, but winter certainly is NOT, so I don't want to usher in the colder weather just yet.

I know FALL won't completely arrive for another 6 weeks or so. Until then, we will do that awkward yet wonderful dance between chilly and hot, never quite sure if you should put on a sweater or tank top. And as frustrating as this gets -- constantly checking your phone's weather app to make sure you dress appropriately and wondering if you should be eating watermelon or pumpkin muffins, I love that for about 6 weeks each fall and spring, we get to say hello to one season without quite saying goodbye to the old season yet. Until late October, I can enjoy sunshine AND chilly winds, boots AND short sleeves, chili AND snow cones (who am I kidding? There are hardly any snow cones in DC which is ridiculous! add that to the short list of things I don't like about this area)

I have a ton to do this month, so I am glad we still have warmer weather and longer days! I thought I would join in blogger land fun and make a few September Goals!

SEPTEMBER GOALS

• Finish unpacking and organizing after our move!
• Give away/throw away some clothing as we unpack. 
• Complete 3-5 apartment projects on my own. I have a ton of furniture I want to paint, a table I want to stain, artwork to frame, a baby door hanger to make (for my nephew arriving SOON!), etc
• Complete 3-5 apartment projects with my mom.  My mom is stopping by to visit me/help with projects for a few days later this month on her way to meet my nephew, so I hope we can tackle a few decorating projects when she comes!
• Pray for others! I used to be faithful about praying  and used my time on the metro to pray for others, but life got hectic and I fell out of routine.  I want to make a prayer list and start praying for friends and family during my commute a few days a week!
• Read 1-2 books off my list. My goal for my summer reading list was to finish 10/16 books. Instead I finished 7 of the books-- but I have a decent excuse: my kindle died halfway through summer and all these books I had purchased or borrowed from my parents were irretrievable. Although I had the kindle app on my computer, I was not going to drag my computer to work every day, so my reading time was limited. However, I have now downloaded kindle on my phone and hope to tackle the rest of these books this fall!
• Cook 2 "Bread and Wine" recipes. 
• Start buying our Christmas gifts for others and Dave's birthday gifts (so they don't hit all at once!) 
• Work out 3 times a week. Wow, I can't believe that I have to make this a goal -- I used to LOVE working out and would even do it a couple times a day sometimes. But, commuting and working and moving has changed my habits the past few months and I make it to the gym 1-2 times a week-- so it's time to get back in a routine. Starting small with a goal of 3 times a week this month.
• Eat in most nights.  We usually cook in most nights, BUT the past couple weeks, we have packed, moved, unpacked and traveled- so almost all of our meals were at restaurants or take out. That really dents the budget and hurts the waistline, plus I miss cooking. 
• Buy a mum!
• Decorate our guest room.  We have 4-6 sets of visitors this fall (yay!) and we are so excited to finally have a guest bedroom for them to stay when they come (instead of on our couch)  So, my first goal is getting the guest room in order so that it's comfy for guests! I'm using an old bedding set of my mom's, painting some furniture, buying a headboard and hanging art, so this should be an achievable goal!
• Save a little each week for an IKEA/Home Goods/Target shopping trip with mom when she comes.  I have a bistro set picked out for our balcony, plus some picture frames, cushions and a lamp I am eyeing. Time to pocket a little spending money each week!
• Put a little money into our "One Day Europe" jar each week. (yes we have a jar, like a grown up piggy bank)
• Enjoy our balcony as much as possible! I had patio envy all last year, so it's time to enjoy my own balcony!

I am hoping to report back that I accomplished two thirds of these goals!! What about you, what are your September goals? Anything Exciting???

Our Wedding, Part 5: The Real Reason (Ceremony and Vows)

SLOWLY BUT SURELY FINISHING UP THE WEDDING SERIES

Few things are more exciting than the moment you walk down the aisle towards your soon to be husband. And although, let's be honest, the party portion of the evening takes a lot more planning, the ceremony is the most important 30 minutes of the entire day....and it's the part you will remember.

Practicing for my walk down the aisle - in my mom's veil, sometime during the late 80s

I love that wedding ceremonies are usually extremely private and public all at once. In some ways, it felt like Dave and I were alone because the promises and vows were said by us alone and the relationship is exclusive to us. But, in a very obvious way (400 guests watching us), the wedding was very public, for all to see. What a perfect way to begin our marriage - both intimately and publicly. Our marriage is primarily a relationship between the two or us, but in so many ways, it's a relationship so closely related to other relationships. It's a relationship supported and challenged by friends, family and church community. We are truly blessed to have so many people who rejoiced with us and will encourage, challenge and pray with and for us. 

The front of our "church"

I always wanted a bouquet of peonies.

When you get married at 29, you've been to enough weddings and been in enough weddings that you know what you want. It's not like I planned for the past decade, but every time I attended a wedding or was a bridesmaid and heard a solo or processional I liked, I mentally noted it. So, when we got engaged, I knew (mostly) how our ceremony would go. Dave and I both wanted two preachers to perform our ceremony - one from his church, one from mine. We wanted traditional vows. We didn't want a unity candle. Although we wanted a religious ceremony, we weren't set on having it a church (thus we had it at the warehouse where the reception was going to be) We wanted conservative music (okay, I wanted conservative music, Dave wanted Journey, but I won that debate......)

And so the ceremony went mostly how I always envisioned it -- and probably not too differently than most other ceremonies. As I have shared earlier, we were very nontraditional about many things, but when it came down to the important stuff, we were pretty traditional - and the ceremony went just I had planned. Piano and Violin. Congregational Hymn. Christian and classical music. Presbyterian vows. The cutest little ring bearer who was promptly escorted out by my sister's in laws. An adorable flower girl carrying a "hear comes the bride" sign. Girls in blue dresses with gorgeous green flowers. A bridal bouquet of peonies like I always wanted.

This pretty lady got married 6 months to the day after our wedding....and 

thankfully for her, I did not sing in her wedding.

My friend Madison married this pretty lady several years ago and since I first heard her 

play her violin at church, I knew one day I wanted her to play in my wedding.

My niece did her flower girl duties perfectly. She's 

been in several weddings now -- she is an expert!

SO SO Excited to walk down the aisle.

This would have been a great pic if my dad had looked!

We had an actual homily, not just a few sentences of advice (although the homily was cut a little shorter than I wanted...due to a certain someone's nerves that day....) It was important to me that our service be a worship service, a presentation of the gospel, so I wanted something meaty, not just a couple quotes and then vows.

I'll never forget Dave's nerves on our wedding day. He was absolutely adorable. I was the opposite -- mostly calm or jittery with excitement, but Dave looked like he was about to pass out at any moment. I asked him if he was nervous or having second thoughts and he said he was certain of me, but anxious because it was such a big step, such a serious moment and we shouldn't take it lightly. I love that he was thinking about our commitment and vows, not just the party, and that he understood the seriousness of the day. (Sidenote: he was also nervous about standing in front of so many people!)

And although we had done a super early first look and then a first look, walking down the aisle was still so incredibly special. So much emotion and gratitude. Seeing my precious groom at the end of the aisle -with his pretty blue eyes and nervous look. Trying to hold back tears each step of the way. Holding tightly to my daddy's arm. Silently repeating "thank you, thank you" over and over as an unavoidable prayer of gratitude to God for this blessing I do not deserve. Catching Dave's eyes during the service, smiling at him and seeing him finally start to relax.

I love this picture. This man makes me so happy.

First married kiss

One of the sweetest parts of the day was when we walked back down the aisle, finished with the ceremony and being showered with confetti, and Dave grabbed me, kissed me and said, "We're married" His demeanor changed for the rest of the evening.  Preparing for such a commitment was serious and caused nervousness, but once the commitment was made, he was no longer so nervous. My father in law then found us and gave me a huge hug and welcome to the family -- followed by my mother who hugged me and said "I told you so" (aka, I told you that you would get married one day), followed by, "I've been waiting for years to tell you that." A little motherly commentary, that's all.

Confetti was thrown at us as we left.

Hugging my Father in Law right after the ceremony

Final thoughts on our ceremony: The theme of the ceremony was God's faithfulness, complete with the solo, "He's always been Faithful" and verse: "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)  As thrilled as I was to marry Dave, I wanted to remember that it was God who had been faithful to us. A wedding is almost always a happy occasion, a time to rejoice, a picture of God's faithfulness and goodness, but for me personally, it was a reminder that the Lord redeems horrible circumstances and "restores what the locusts have eaten."  God is faithful to me daily, but walking down the aisle was personally, a very real tangible picture of his faithfulness to restore, heal, redeem! 

Before my wedding, a friend who had recently been through some hard circumstances told me she found encouragement is seeing how the Lord was faithful and brought redemption in my life because it meant He could redeem hard things in her life time.  That was probably one of the most touching things any one has ever said to me....I want my life to be a testimony for our faithful Lord. And, goodness, sometimes wouldn't we all choose a different testimony, one with fewer tears and painful moments, but the hard things he brings us through can be used to show His goodness and glory. That was what I hoped people saw as I walked down the aisle to my sweet groom: not just a happy bride and nervous groom, but God's faithfulness to me and to Dave. Through heartbreak and brokenness and in many many joyful times, the Lord has remained by my side -- and continues to do so in marriage.