Saying Yes to the Wait

Last week, I read this post (We Said "Yes" Too) about how we praise families for "saying yes" to all the children God will give them -but in reality, many men and women say yes to God and those babies don't come - or don't come quickly. The author pointed out how her home may not be "19 kids and counting" but she and her husband did say yes and continue to say yes to a home full of as many kids as He calls them to have. (Thanks Tiffany for sharing this article!)

The article hit home, not because I can even begin to empathize with this strong woman's many hard years of infertility struggles, but because the message of saying yes and then facing a period of waiting seems too often to be a theme in my own life.

We praise someone's courage when he or she boldly says yes to God's calling and nudges, but that praise often comes when these yeses are followed by quick action from God. We often see God's action as a clear indication of someone's willingness and obedience. (Joe said yes to God's calling and his ministry has now led thousands to the Lord.  Mary and John said yes to as many kids the Lord would give them and their home is filled with tiny footsteps constantly running around.  Anne said yes to purity, to dating with intention and seeking godly marriage, and a godly man snatched her up quickly!)

But, sometimes we feel called by the Lord, say yes and then actively wait and work and hope for response and movement that may takes years to come. And, those yeses aren't always celebrated, but they are just as valid.

In my own life, I have had times where I obeyed, where I willingly said yes -- and then, I waited. The answer may not have come quickly - but my willingness to say yes was no less valid.

Maybe you are saying yes too -- to callings, relationships, careers - and yet you face a time of waiting. You said yes to a house full of babies but your home and womb are still empty. You said yes to a godly marriage, to years of purity to honor both God and your future spouse, but your ring finger remains bare. You said yes to moving for a spouse's job, trusting God would open doors in response to your obedience, but yet you still look for a job. You said yes to ministry, sacrificing of yourself and maybe even moving to foreign countries - and yet the ministry does not grow and hearts remain unchanged.  You said yes to raising godly children to fear the Lord,to praying for them daily and teaching them God's words, yet your kids rebel.

Sometimes we say yes to God -- and nothing happens, at least nothing that we can see with our limited viewpoint. Sometimes we say yes to the wait. And, honestly, I think that is the braver yes....the one that is questioned by others (did God really call you to this city, this ministry, this life?) and sometimes even questioned by ourselves (is this really what He wanted?)

A yes to waiting, trusting and seeking joy amidst uncertainty.  A yes to future fulfilling of current longings and calling.  A yes to obeying even without seeing. A yes to vulnerability and hope and disappointment. A yes to change, growth and repentance. A yes to brokenness, struggle, surrender and pain during the wait. A yes to reminding yourself of God's goodness even when you do not feel it.

These are the harder yeses, the ones that must be said daily, the ones first entered into eagerly and boldly with such fervent hope and willingness --  and later quietly whispered under our breath, eyes full of tears, in submissive obedience as we fight to continue saying yes to things we yet see.

Keep saying yes to God's leading -- even if saying yes leads you first into the wilderness. The real boldness comes not just in saying yes, but in living in the times of waiting and uncertainty that may follow.

And while we are saying yes to the unanswered longings and callings placed on our hearts, God is saying yes to us -- to loving, providing and sustaining us; to hearing our broken prayers through sobs; to restoring hope and nurturing growth; to not wasting our times of waiting; and to giving us strength to continue saying yes to His will and His plans.

Feasting on Easter

obligatory Easter picture with Dave - this makes 4 Easters together

This Easter was wonderful.  Dave and I spend the 3 day weekend in Georgia with his family.  We all met at his sister's house and spent the holiday celebrating, fellowshipping and eating (lots of eating - thus why I am avoiding bread and hitting the gym this week). I spent time chasing nieces around, holding babies, having heart to hearts with my sweet sister in law, helping the kids hunt Easter eggs, taking neighborhood walks and cooking with the ladies. We devoured an Easter Feast on Saturday night: ham, tenderloin, macaroni and cheese, potato casserole, zucchini corn salad, sweet potatoes, green beans, chocolate cake, etc. We dove into the leftovers for Sunday lunch - and when I left Georgia, my stomach and heart were full. ( I have incredible in laws, by the way....I know this is not always the case, so I am extremely grateful)

Sisters and brother in law and 3 lovely nieces

This winter has been tough -- and more than I realized, my soul longed for Easter, for a chance to remember God's faithfulness to His people and his undeserved unending love and grace.

I've always loved Easter - a holiday to focus on rebirth and redemption, on hope and eternity, on freedom from our sin's damning consequences.  Our truth is that we are loved more than we could ever dare hope - so much so that our Lord would sacrifice His own beloved Son - just to wipe our slate clean. We have a future that extends far beyond the confines of our earthly timelines. We have eternal hope - but, sadly, my daily reality is not often centered on our future hope.

Lots of celebration with our nieces!

But, this spring, I am feasting on Easter (or at least trying really hard to feast!)  I am filling my soul to the brim with the all encompassing hope that will not disappoint. I am striving to believe the best and see this world through our Savior's eyes: broken but beautiful, needing a Savior in every moment, (whether seemingly inconsequential or life changing), inching closer to eternity and redemption.

our newest niece!

If I truly feasted on Easter, what would it look like in my daily life? 

If I feasted on Easter, every loss, every hardship, every pain would be heartbreaking, yet still illuminated by the promise of redemption.  Each broken moment would be a little less broken if I lived in the reality that the pieces would one day be put back together and whole in a way that I cannot even fathom in my present earthly state.  Each loss or hardship would be viewed from an eternal perspective - as a step towards heaven and a circumstance that will be redeemed for beautiful things either in this life or the next.

If I feasted on Easter, I would celebrate and laugh and soak up God's blessings with more awareness. All  joyful moments would point to heaven - a foreshadowing and foretaste of all good things to come.

Feasting on Easter would stir in my heart more forgiveness - both for others and myself.  I would live in awareness of my sin and need for grace - and display that same grace to others more often.  Kind words and gracious actions would flow from my heart and mouth.

If I truly feasted on Easter, then just like my body after a big holiday meal, my heart would be so stuffed full of hope that I could not imagine devouring one more morsel - yet still refusing to push my chair back from the table, still longing to eat just one more mouthful. I would sit at the table and greedily cram hope and blessing in, past the point of fullness.  I would return often, eagerly, expectantly. I would come to the table often, finding nourishment and fellowship, returning for more as often as I could.

If I feasted on Easter each day, then I would not live in fear.  I would wake up confident that no matter what the day held - whatever sin, failure - or even worse, "perceived failures" - my future remains secure - and I would go to sleep each evening, one step closer to a world of no tears, no war and only joy.  

If I truly feasted on Easter, then I would live each day aware that present situation is never the end to the story.  The battle is won! Death and sin are conquered.

If I truly feasted on Easter, it wouldn't be a holiday, just a way of living, my mindset during my daily journey - an eternal focus pointing towards to cross and towards the Savior daily. I would not need an Easter Sunday, because every day would be my celebration.

Oh, how I want to truly feast on Easter!! Lord, help us to live like it is Easter every day. Help us to see your glory, grace and forgiveness in all situations and all people. Help us to never lose sight of what our future holds because of the pain your past included.  Help us to feast on Easter daily.

Doesn't this melt your heart?

Needing Spring

Winter started out mildly - both literally and figuratively.  Reasonable temps, very little snow, happy moments, holidays and plenty of rest and joy. But, February hit hard -- snow, windchill, work, LIFE. With so much cold and darkness last month, my body and my soul long for spring and the past week has provided hope that warmer weather and happy days are on their way.

This weekend, we had our first real glimpses of spring in DC!  Dave and I took a nice long walk on the W & OD trail and enjoyed dinner on our patio one evening.  Dave wore a short sleeve polo and I wore a light jacket (good bye puffer coat!) to church on Sunday.  It was nice to run errands and not step in melting snow on my way out of the store. I even tried on my Easter dress as a way to celebrate the seasons changing (lovely dress, but PALE legs -- time for some sunless tanner!)

During our Sunday walk, I enjoyed the warm sunshine on my back while the cool breeze ran through my hair. I admired the wildflowers and tulips poking up from the ground and smiled at the kids riding their bikes past me. It seemed that the whole world was outside, enjoying the entrance of spring, celebrating that warm days do indeed follow the cold ones!!

I made a mental note to buy new sunglasses since I plan on spending as much time as I can outdoors over the next couple months.  I daydreamed of taking spring walks/runs each evening after work - AUDIOS gym, I am moving this gig outdoors! But, Dave reminded me that the sun is still setting between 7 and 7:15 so I shouldn't get too ahead of myself.  In a rare moment where I am more optimistic than Dave, I reminded him that sunset will continue to happen later and later, so SOON there will be daylight left for evening walks...we just have to eagerly wait!

The warm weather not only rejuvenated my body, it lifted my soul as well. What is it about the spring that beckons us to hope? The long awaited sunshine encourages us to believe the best about others, ourselves and our circumstances.  If temperatures can warm up, so can our lives, right?  Or at least our attitudes and perspectives. February was a tough month - and in a strange way, I am thankful for the snow and coldness because it forced me to hibernate, recover and rest. But, I am grateful for the past few days hinting at spring's soon arrival. I am looking forward to warm weather, cooler nights, sunshine, flowers peaking out of green grass, birds chirping, and leaves on the trees again!

What I love about living in this area of the country is that I get FOUR distinct seasons. Down south, we get all of the seasons too, but the spring and fall are oh so short and the winter is more rain than snow.  Essentially we have cold and wet or hot and humid with a few glorious fall and spring days separating the two extremes!  Our first year in DC, I remember feeling like I was reading a children's book - with illustrations of each season - except that I got to live out each picture! Hot sweaty summer days, walking through crunchy leaves, snuggling inside during snow storms and flowers peaking out through the snow, welcoming spring to come.

I think it's interesting that God allows us to experience four seasons because each season is representative of life stages and struggles. Of course, our life stages don't always line up with the calendar seasons, but we go through seasons too. Summer brings warmth. blessing and abundance. Even as a kid, we knew that summer was not the norm.  Pool days, beach trips, summer camps, sleeping in and ice cream trucks were wonderful but not the status quo, definitely not sustainable.  Fall reminds us of change and new experiences. Like spring, fall is a season that bids farewell to the old and ushers in the new. It is a time to grow and change and be challenged.  Winter is the least favorite season of many. It has shorter darker days, cold winds and snow storms -- but it also serves as a time of rest and recovery, reminding us that life can be found even in the cold moments. What I like about winter (particularly January and February) is that it gives us an excuse to hibernate and heal when life throws snowstorms our way (or when you are just tuckered out from a busy holiday season!)

But spring may be my favorite season. It is the arrival of NEW and WARM -- new flowers, new baby animals, warm breezes, lots of sunshine, new leaves on the trees! Spring brings life, growth and hope -- all three are things I am eager  to see in my own life. Spring is a time to shed our thick coats and come out into warmer weather. How wonderful that the most hopeful of seasons comes after the darkest one.

So, hurry up spring. Arrive for good. We need you, we patiently wait for you. We will enjoy and adore every wonderful morsel of your warm weather, cool breeze goodness.

(Writer's note: I drafted this earlier this week, but since then, the weather advisory for tomorrow is rain and snow flurries -- that's right, a chance of snow on the first official day of spring. <SIGH>  Luckily, the warmer weather seems to pick back up over the coming week.  Winter will not win. It will not get the best of us. Spring is surely on its way!)

**SnOw DaY pRePaRaTiOnS!!!***

Today was another snow day- and at last count, we had 6 inches. So definitely nothing life-altering, but enough to shut down schools, the government and most businesses. I know, I know, if you live in Boston or NYC or somewhere that handles the snow a bit better than DC, then you are rolling your eyes at our winter storm panic.  I, however, welcome the hysteria.  The bigger hype a storm gets, the more likely I am to have a cozy day at home. Also, let's be honest:  I am from Mississippi, so the idea of a "winter wonderland" still makes me giddy (although as time goes by, the allure is lessening.....)

Additionally, caution is a good idea since almost no one in DC is from DC, we are from all over! Since this dixie darling can not drive in the snow, I am positive that there are more west coast transplants and southerners like myself who also have no business driving in the powder either!! This isn't a small midwestern town where all the long time locals know how to handle driving - this is DC, the melting pot of America, full of non-experienced snow virgins. It's really safer for us all if we just all take a day off!

So, in honor of our second "snow day" of 2015 - third, if you count a Saturday snow day (which we all know is not as good.....), here is some advice on preparing for a snow day:

• Visit redbox and check out one more than you think you will watch, just to be safe. I would advise that you reserve your dvd's through the website and pick them up on your way home from work on the day before the suspected snow day - or you may arrive at the kiosk and find that the best choices are already gone! Also, make sure you rent options from different categories -- suspense, comedy, drama. Options are your friends!!

• Beer, wine and groceries run.  Sometimes this is not necessary - after all, it's usually just one day at home - and you probably already have groceries - but if you plan on cooking a special snow day meal, making snow day ice cream, or enjoying warm treats like cocoa or soup, make sure to pick these items up.

• Pick out the comfiest pair of sweatpants and fuzzy socks. It doesn't have to be fancy - or even flattering, just comfy.

• Have a good book saved on your Kindle.

• If you already know you are off work, then turn your alarm off.  If not, set it, wake up and check your company email for updates then roll over and go back to sleep.

• Pull your windshield wipers up so that they don't get buried under snow.

• Have wintery scented candles on hand.  If you don't have a fireplace, then you might as well enjoy a little mood lighting and cozy smell while bunkering down.

• Find someone to spend it with--- although some time alone is grand, if you have roomies or friends that live nearby.  Unfortunately, none of our friends live in our apartment complex, but luckily I have Dave to snuggle up with!

• Scrape the snow from your car windows at the end of the snow day -- it makes the next morning a lot more enjoyable!

I do love a good snow day -- but I love spring more.  Hopefully, she will make her arrival soon, but until then, I hope that if we have to endure cold temps, we at least get to enjoy time off of work!

What I Did Not Do

So, from the outside looking in, I FAILED at my February goals...and although I love the idea of setting and meeting goals, of keeping myself accountable and on track -- sometimes I just have to accept that life gets crazy and busy and hectic -- and some months are just about surviving! This was one of those months - the perfect storm of personal stress, work stress, unwelcome surprises, sickness to make me say "forget it" to my list. I had to deal with life as it came - and not the life I had planned for the month.

I had 6 goals this month: get a big chunk of our bedroom decorating finished, work out 3 times a week (at least), read one book (at least), take time to make some family goals, organize and don't over commit!

Things I successfully did of that list: ...(birds chirping).... HARDLY ANYTHING.  Although I did accomplish PARTS of goals -- like reading half of 3 different books, working out daily for the first week or hanging a few pictures.

Wait, I had one success --I did not over commit! Most of the month, time outside of work was spent resting and surviving except for the last few days of February which were saturated with commitments and work projects and engagements (all previously planned or out of my control!)

This month was completely unproductive (at least in the way I had originally planned) - and you know what? I am 100 percent okay with my uncompleted to do list. Sometimes we need discipline, order, goals, to do lists - and sometimes we need grace. This month, I needed grace - and rest. So that's what I gave myself :) BUT February was not wasted. It was filled to the brim with joy, disappointment, blessings, heartache, prayer, growth and rest!

So I didn't accomplish my 6 goals this month, but here's what I did do:

• prayed, lots of praying
• read- I did not finish a book, but I enjoyed going back and forth between the 3 I am reading
• binge watched "Brothers and Sisters"
• completed a few house projects - framing prints, painting a monogram 
• went to bed early most nights
• traveled to State College, PA to see the world's cutest nephews and my sweet sister
• dove into scripture daily
• cooked a couple new recipes
• ate (too many) girl scout cookies
• enjoyed wine and cocktails and a couple dinners out with friends
• spent lots of time holding hands with my sweet guy
• drove an hour away to get a Sonic drink
• took my nephew to eat ice cream in negative temps because he wanted "chocat ice cream with chocat sprinkles"
• sipped on vanilla lattes during snow days
• gave myself my first "Jamberry" pedicure
• donated old clothes to charity
• took lots of warm baths 
• cried a lot, but also laughed a lot
• spent time talking to my sweet husband about the future
• dreamed

So, there you have it: February 2015 - a crazy month with no rules, no accomplishments, but still FULL. Sometimes the most happens to you when you aren't busy trying to accomplish anything!

And in case you were wondering, my goals for MARCH:

(1) Get back into my gym routine after a 2 week break.

(2) Work on bedroom decorations

(3) Finish at least one book!

(4) Have a fun date night or day trip with my husband

(5) Cook 1 new recipe.

Wine and Jesus

Popping my head in for a small update. Sorry to have been MIA folks, but life has been some kind of crazy these days.  As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, circumstances been challenging lately -the kind of tough where you just have to pause, pray, regroup and muddle through. Lots of prayers, a few tears and lots of sweets. But, what has really made life challenging has been the everyday stresses - late nights and early mornings working at the office, challenging deadlines, Jr league projects and duties outside of work, etc, etc. This afternoon, I hit a major project deadline - after a couple late nights this week, missed lunch breaks, project instructions being changed multiple times, etc, etc. Today, I was on the metro before 7 am and worked straight from 7 until 2:30, stopping once to use the restroom and get a bottle of water, goldfish and a pear from the kitchen. When I FINALLY finished, I stopped to catch my breath and thought:

"On crazy weeks like this one, I am so glad I have Jesus and Dave."

Don't be too impressed with me because my very next thought was:

"I am so glad God made wine"

After laughing at my desire for Jesus AND wine, I started thinking: Isn't it great that God gives us little blessings (like wine!) to help us get through hard days, stressful weeks and difficult seasons?  Distractions, encouragements, funny moments, small material things that make our day.  Don't get me wrong: Jesus is enough - even when it does not feel that way, but how kind of Him to sprinkle grace into our lives in the smallest of ways? ESPECIALLY when we need cheering up or relaxation.

I hate seeing my husband stress. If I can't take the stress away then I want to immediately cheer him up with a movie or favorite meal or picking up a beer he likes at the store.  When friends have challenging weeks, I suggest unwinding with a girls night or dinner out. Likewise, I think God knows that sometimes His plans or our circumstances can be hard waters to wade through - and although He may not lift the burden, He holds our hand as we push through and gives us the tools to get through -- scripture, prayer, community. AND, He's kind enough to provide little comforts to provide rest, joy and distraction along life's difficult paths.

So, when life gets stressful, cling to the one who knows the plan and who loves you even when you are messy.  Dive into the word, pour your heart out in prayer.  But, also, soak up the good! Enjoy the flowers and sunshine (you know, if you live somewhere other than DC). Watch a good chick flick. Listen to your favorite song while on the metro.  Get a fountain drink from Sonic.  Call an old friend. Buy a new shirt in your favorite color.  Eat a scoop of ice cream. Get a pedi. Curl up with the comfiest blanket you own and a good book. Take a weekend trip. Go for a run. And drink a glass (or two) of wine.  You may be waiting on big blessings in your life, but there is no reason why you can't enjoy the small ones, however trivial they might seem.

Blessings I am enjoying over the next week: my new pink vest, sleeping in on Saturday, wine, the return of Once Upon a Time to ABC, debating what I want to buy with my 3 Ann Taylor gift cards (yep, 3 whole gift cards!), finishing the 3 good books I am reading on my kindle, seeing The Drop Box at the DC showing, girl scout cookies, sushi for dinner tonight, seeing my two favorite nephews on Friday, trying out my new Jamberry nails, booking the massage Dave bought me for Valentines, hanging up my new Thimblepress pictures, cuddling and Netflix, and returning to the gym (worked through lunch every day this week so I missed my gym time- also I will need gym time as my list includes wine and girl scout cookies!)

So that's where I am at the moment -- dealing with life's struggles, crazy busy with work, Jr League and projects, tired body and weary soul, clinging to my Savior and diving into His word daily, but also enjoying the small stuff: you know, wine, girl scout cookies, pretty nails, cuddling, tv shows and books.

Grown Up Snow Days

This week, we finally had our FIRST snow day of the year.  Last year, we had so many snow days that I started to dread them for a couple different reasons:

1.  I was still a temporary employee so I didn't get paid for snow days
2. Once the snow day is over, you have to survive the snow on the ground for the next few days.  Curling up in a warm house on a snow day is fabulous -- BUT walking to the metro or bus stop in slushy snow and ice the next few days is NOT fun.
3. I enjoy SNOW but I do not like cold.  Having so many snow days meant it was a really cold winter!

However, after a winter of just a little snow and NO snow days, I was so ready for a day off! It's been a rough couple weeks - and a day at home with my sweet guy was such a treat. I wish we knew our neighbors so we could have them over on snow days. We have a few friends in the neighborhood, so maybe if we have another snow day, we can plan for a wine night....or maybe we can sit in our PJs all day (oh the luxury of deciding HOW you want to be lazy....) We don't have kids and although I like to think we are young, we aren't exactly college students, so our snow days are usually a bit grown up: not much sledding, snow man building, etc. --- although if I lived near Dupont Circle, I would definitely participate in the snow ball fights that happen every time there is a big snow.  In a few years, we will have munchkin(s) to bundle out and take out to play, so for now, I enjoy getting to just look at the snow from my window!

We may have another snow day tomorrow (what a waste for a Saturday!) The first rule of good snow days is that they MUST occur on a work day!!  For those of you in non-snowy regions, here is a little primer on how to properly enjoy a snow day! (Could be added: hang out with friends or roomies.  We only have a few friends in walking distance so we are a bit more limited)

Grown Up Snow Days are for......

Cooking a REAL breakfast (aka, not toast, cereal or oatmeal!)

Most week days, breakfast is simple.  We usually save warm, homemade treats for holidays or lazy weekends or brunches with friends.  Since SNOW DAYS are relaxing, I make a hot breakfast every time there is a snow day and even if it is just pancakes from a box mix, it feels special!  We often make Monkey Bread when it snows -- but it is so FATTENING and I am trying to eat healthy foods, so I cooked low fat French Toast instead.  This sounds like a real recipe - but it's not. I just improvised with healthier versions of the ingredients. Essentially, I made french toast out of light bread (2 pieces for 80 calories), egg/egg whites, skim milk, vanilla, and 1-2 TBSP of sugar.  To cook the toast, I used cooking spray and a tiny bit of "fake butter" (aka, butter spread) in the pan and then topped with a tiny bit of powdered sugar! (Dave added some syrup to his)  For using light ingredients, the toast turned out pretty yummy! Definitely a bit more special than the oatmeal I normally eat!

Taking obligatory southern "oh look, it's snow!" pictures

Yankees, forgive us. We didn't grow up with a lot of snow - maybe 1-2 light snows a year and one big snow every few years (and big to us is nothing like what Boston is getting). So, when it snows a lot, we take pictures. We have to document that we have actually experienced winter weather.  Now, I will admit, last year, after the first couple snows, I quit taking pictures (because I was such a local then and snow was no big thing, ha), BUT since this was our first snow day of the year, I definitely had to snap a few!

Coffee and Reading

Dave gets cabin fever.  He almost always wants to walk in the snow to a coffee store to get a "fruity coffee" (ie, flavored special coffee that you can't just brew for yourself at home).  I am not always as eager to get out, but I am usually convinced. Who can resist a little reading and coffee?

Binge Watching on Netflix/Hulu

I think we watched 5 episodes of Brothers and Sisters Tuesday.  I can't help it - with no obligations, it's so easy to just keep going through a season!

Trying a NEW recipe for dinner

I almost always try a new recipe on a snow day! It's often a soup, stew or chili (because it's cold outside, duh!!)  I don't get off work until 6 and by the time I get home, it's usually between 6:30 and 6:45 (and sometimes later if I have to work late on a project) - so our week night suppers are often a rotation of tried and true recipes that we can make quickly or pull out of the freezer.  I always love the excuse to look up a new recipe on a snow day!  This time, we tried Emily Bites' Spaghetti and Meatball Soup -- a fairly healthy easy soup that I will definitely make again! Actually, Skinnytaste also has a recipe so next time I may try that version!

Why I really loved this soup: hearty enough to be a meal, shredded veggies mixed in with noodles so that Dave actually ate the healthy stuff, turkey meatballs (not beef), easy to make, gives you the feeling of a big bowl of spaghetti without all the calories.

Chores.

Honestly, we did not do too many chores-- tidied the kitchen a bit and folded laundry.  I hung up a few clothes that were lying on the guest bed.  But, when you start to feel too lazy from a netflix binge, it's good to move around and do a little work so you can pat yourself on the back for being productive!

Wine

Wine + TV or a good book + a blanket ---while it's snowy and cold outside? This is a no brainer. We had no wine in the house, but Dave had to make a run to the grocery store Tuesday night to pick up snacks for an Architecture meeting the next day-- and he had good enough sense to snatch up a bottle of wine (one more reason to love him!) Wine is always a good snow day addition!

How do you enjoy your adult snow days???