For those who don't follow me on social media, we have some exciting news.....
WE ARE EXPECTING!!!!
We announced from Paris, stating that our little French getaway turned into a babymoon since our daughter, ANNE DOUGLAS, is due February 2016!!!
We are so thankful for this good gift and for the Giver!!
Parisian announcement (excuse our windblown hair - we had just be to the top of the Eiffel Tower)
I am 16 weeks, 2 days pregnant, and feeling pretty well. The first trimester was rough, but thankfully, that sick time has mostly passed. I hear 3rd trimester can be difficult for other reasons (it's hard getting around when you are so big!) so I am soaking up the magical 2nd trimester with less sickness, more energy, and a belly that is slowly growing into a baby bump so I don't just look chubby.
So far, I have had very few cravings but a ton of aversions. I have enjoyed slowly adding some foods back into my diet over the past few weeks. I also was very tired, but the positive part of being early pregnant during summer is that friends are in and out of town due to vacations and holidays and August recess, so there are fewer plans and meetings and obligations. Dave and I spent a lot of time at home watching movies and reading books. He was a trooper and handled most of the dishes and a lot of the cooking.
15.5 week bump last week at Versailles
We chose to do an elective ultrasound at a private clinic before we went to France - and I am so glad we did. It has been fun knowing and celebrating our daughter, calling her by name, and picking up some french goodies for her!! Best 120 dollars I have ever spent!
The first "Baby R"
In February, we lost our first child at 12 weeks, right before we announced. Although I have not hidden our miscarriage from family and friends, I have been slow to share publicly as we grieved and begin healing. However, I always knew I would one day share about our first baby! I wouldn't want his or her life to go unnoticed. Also, 1 in 4 women have a miscarriage and I am thankful for those who shared their stories with me. Hopefully, starting to share a bit about my story will provide encouragement for other women as well.
It would feel weird to introduce you to our newest baby on the way without sharing with you about this first little soul. It is bittersweet as we prepare for our newest blessing. As thrilled as we are to meet our daughter, the reality is that her little life only exists because another life was lost. Both children were wanted - and both children are dearly loved, so I can't just announce sweet Anne Douglas without announcing her sibling. We are, however, incredibly grateful that we have a God who brings beauty from ashes and restores what was lost.
It breaks my heart that we don't know much about our baby. Was it a he or she? (I think baby R #1 was a boy, so I will refer to our first baby as a he, but that's just a mother's guess!) Would he have grown up to be an athlete? Would he have been musically talented? Would he love animals, fishing, time outdoors? Would he grow up to be a farmer or a teacher or a doctor? Would he be stubborn, hard working and serving like his father? What he be outgoing, sensitive and loyal like his mamma? I bet he would have had his daddy's blue eyes and I think it's a fair guess that baby R would be tan.
I suppose being parents to this little one for 12 short weeks gave us our first real glimpse at parenthood. We know so little about who our little baby was, but we loved him so - without any other reason except that he was a child of the Living God and that he belonged to us. I know I will feel this way about all my babies, but I think this unconditional love was first felt with this one.
Here's what we do know about our baby. He hated Mexican food (which made mamma sad as I love Mexican and missed eating it) and also disliked public transportation - the metro made me sick! Baby R liked Christmas (because he only started making me feel sick afterwards) Baby R was quite popular and well loved by grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends. Baby R was a bit of a fighter, full of perseverance. Most miscarriages happen earlier in pregnancy (only 2 percent chance of losing your baby at 12+ weeks). Despite whatever genetic abnormality or challenge this little one faced, he hung on for awhile. That little fact makes me proud as his daddy and I are both fighters, so I think he inherited that quality.
On a more serious note, here are some other things we DO know about our first child: He never knew pain, only love, comfort and warmth. He never knew heartache, hurt feelings, loss or rejection. And, most importantly, on his birth day, the first person Baby R saw was Jesus! And, oh, how I selfishly wish it was me he saw, but the truth is, he saw something better, someone better.
We still grieve the loss of this little one. Walking through this trial has been difficult, but I am grateful for all 12 weeks, 1 day of being mommy to our baby R. Even with morning sickness and a chubby growing belly, it was worth it. I wish we had been granted more time to get to know this sweet child here on earth, but what a comfort that because of the Gospel, we will have eternity to catch up.
So far, God has blessed us with two wonderful children (and we pray for more) and we are thrilled to introduce you to both of them. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!