Late Summer Book Reviews

This was the FINAL couple weeks of my summer reading. As you know, I gave myself a long "summer reading" list (so I would have "options") and also gave myself a "long summer time frame". It lasted from Memorial Day Weekend until the week we arrived home from our France Vacation (so almost 4 months....) My goal was to read 15 books (of various categories) at the very least, but I actually ended up reading 20 books - and tackled at least one from each category! (Thank you, morning sickness, for giving me so much downtime at home to read books! Silver lining, I guess!)

Here are my final 2 book reviews for the first half of September.  I plan on putting together a MUCH shorter fall list and diving in soon!

You can read my June through August reviews here, here and here!

The Royal We by Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan

Rating: 4 stars

I loved this book - it was pure fluff and super entertaining!  It was about an American girl, Bex (short for Rebecca) who did a year abroad at Oxford during college and fell in love with the prince and future King of England.  She didn't even recognize him at first and certainly wasn't some love sick American chasing him (they were both dating other people) but slowly their friendship grew to something more.  They kept their relationship private for awhile and then faced the cruel media scrutiny and royal attacks once they went official.  This book follows their life from the beginning of their relationship all the way until their wedding day (I am not ruining any surprises for you as the book opens up on their wedding weekend....so you are fully aware that they end up heading towards the alter)  The book shows the complications of a public relationship and the stress, disagreements hurt feelings that adds, but it also shows the couple who loves watching cheesy tv together, who has their own memories and stories the press doesn't know, who go through fights and make ups, etc.  They both make mistakes and do damage to the relationship and have to learn how to move forward.

Some reviewers don't like the book because it's supposed to be loosely based on William and Kate and well, although you see some similarities, it really isn't. I am not William and Kate obsessed so I didn't take insult to it. I just read the book and enjoyed the far fetched idea that an American girl studying in England could end up the future Queen of England.

You won't be any smarter for reading this book - and it also won't win any literary awards, but it is an amusing story that pulls you in. You get to know the characters (prince, future princess, their family and friends) and follow them through several years of college and post college life.  This would be a perfect beach read or now that its fall, a great book to curl up with on a chilly Saturday!

The Fringe Hours by Jessica N. Turner

Rating: 4.5 stars

I actually started the book in August (at around 12 weeks pregnant) Honestly, in my humble opinion, this book starts out slowly - and actually when I first began reading, I felt like it didn't really apply to me. The author spends time at the beginning talking about how we over commit and are too busy and need time for ourselves - and I thought, sure this is true, but (a) this is not a new concept and (b) although I do sometimes over commit, I am currently pregnant and have spent the summer purposely NOT overdoing it with LOTS of rest and down time, so this may not really apply to my stage of life.  Even so, I kept reading as I do have a tendency to overdo AND because I thought, these will be good tips for the future - for balancing work and husband and baby and friends and volunteering and church, etc!

But, then the book got REALLY good. It wasn't the same ole advice of "don't commit to too many obligations" or "learn to say NO" or "you can't do it all"  I mean, those pieces of practical advice were there, but this book went further, teaching women (especially busy career ladies or stressed moms) to carve out time for themselves by using their "fringe minutes and hours" for things they love.  This means not wasting time - the time spent on the metro, waiting in the doctor's office, the 30 minutes you have at lunch, even the time you spend drying your hair (the author flips through magazines during this time).  It also means choosing not to waste the little minutes of free time you have throughout the day - OR thinking that you have a lot of time to do something you enjoy.  The author uses scrap booking, one of her hobbies, as an example. During the day, she may have a couple different periods of 10-20 minutes and she could easily assume that it's not enough time to do anything she enjoys and just choose to play on Facebook or check her email or flip through the channels - OR she could scrapbook maybe one page for her newest album.

This is the part of the book that really challenged me - the reality that I waste "pockets of time" throughout my day. Sure, I very rarely have several full hours on a weeknight to do something I love, but I often have pockets of time throughout my day.  What I also noticed is that there were already ways that I did use my "pockets of time" well - and at the same time, many more times when I didn't. An example of using my pockets of time well: I love reading.  It entertains me, de-stresses me and sometimes, it makes me feel like I am still learning.  I sometimes read while drying my hair and I almost always read on the metro.  Occasionally, I will also read while eating my lunch.  I don't have time to sit down for an hour each evening and read - BUT by finding times throughout my day where I can read a few pages, I find a way to bring myself joy by squeezing one of my hobbies into these fringe moments. 

What if I found fringe moments for other hobbies and interests, not just reading? How would I become more productive? How would this enhance my life? There is so much I could say about this book - so I will probably do another post.  I want to figure out what activities bring my joy and satisfaction and find ways that I can squeeze them into my days and weeks.

Summer Reading List Final Summary

So, here is what my final list looks like (books I read crossed through)   I read so many good books - including a few that weren't on my list! And, sadly, my list still has some wonderful books I didn't get to read! (hopefully in the future!)  In total, I tackled 20 books in about 4 months. I found out I was pregnant just a few weeks into this list (which helped give me the time to read so much!) And, without knowing it, I turned my first trimester into a chance to use fringe hours for something I love.  I felt too poorly to do much of my normal summer activities - baseball games, outdoor movies, fun brunches, etc - but I was able to use that time to dive into some good books!! I can't wait to pick some fun fall reads! Any suggestions???

Book Club Books 

1. The Stranger by Harlan Coben

2. Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan (and *possibly* the sequel, China Rich Girlfriend)

ADDITION: Eight Hundred Grapes by Laura Dave (my July book)

Home and Marriage

3. The 7 principles for making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman

4. Eight Twenty Eight by Larissa and Ian Murphy

5. A Beautiful Mess Happy Handmade Home by Elsie Larson and Emma Chapman

Southern Fiction

6. Natchez Burning by Greg Iles

7. The Right Thing by Amy Conner

8. My Sunshine Away by M.O. Walsh

French Reads

9. Sweet Life in Paris by David Lebovitz

10. All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

11. The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

12. A Paris Apartment by Michelle Gable

13. The Loveliest Chocolate Shop in Paris by Jenny Colgan 

ACCIDENTAL ADDITION: Paris Hangover by Kirsten Lobe

General Fiction

14. The Royal We by Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan

15. Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty

16. The Girl on a Train by Paula Hawkins

17. The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

18. Paper Towns by John Green

19. The Life Intended by Kristen Harmel

20. Blue Bistro by Elin Hilderbrand

Religious Reads

21. Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus by Nabeel Quireshi

22. Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist

23. Undone: A Story of Making Peace With an Unexpected Life

ADDITION: Forgotten God by Francis Chan (We read this book for our dinner club/small group Bible Study)

NonFiction

24. The Fringe Hours by Jessica N. Turner

25. 11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative by Dr. Paul Kengor

Pregnancy Weeks 1-17

If you are a lover of blogs that share weekly pregnancy updates, then you are going to need to look elsewhere. I think my weekly updates would be quite boring, but I will try to update every few weeks. 

Pregnancy Update - Weeks 1 through 17

We found out we were pregnant in June while we were at the beach (Well I say it was at the beach, but Dave didn't believe we were pregnant until we got back to Mississippi and I took a digital test that actually said the word, "pregnant")   I should add that if you are trying to get pregnant, I highly suggest you go on a trip during your "wait" as it keeps you busy - although be prepared for the fact that once you see that second line, you have to quit drinking lovely summer cocktails ha! (totally worth it though!) With the first baby, we waited a few weeks to tell our parents and siblings (on Christmas Day) partly for the fun of telling them on a holiday and partly due to the the whole "be practical and make sure this is going to last" advice.  But, we wouldn't be home again for awhile and I knew Dave wanted to tell them in person, so we did.  So 4 weeks pregnant, we shared with our closest family - actually quite early to tell anyone but after a miscarriage and 2 chemical pregnancies, it was probably wise to have people praying for us and checking on us. 

This pregnancy has been a balance of rejoicing and holding our breath.  Once you have experienced the worst in pregnancy, it's hard not to fear the same happening again. It's an act of constantly giving over your fears to God and failing at trust often.  I feel like Hannah in the Bible, having to trust this sweet girl with the Lord, knowing she was more His child than my own.  We were cautious and a bit slower to celebrate, but it was important that we talked about this baby like it was a baby and not a "possibility"  One of the things I don't regret about our first child was the fact that we celebrated every moment.  A baby is a gift and I didn't want to miss that.  I still call the first baby, "Baby R" and since that child never got an official name, I feel like this little nickname will forever be representative of that baby - so we called this little one "R2" (but we weren't upset when other called the baby, Baby R! We just preferred to use R2 ourselves)  Our doctors have been great.  They let us come in for an early ultrasound - and then I came in every two weeks until 16 weeks. They jokingly said I could come daily if I felt the need to, but we felt every 1-2 weeks would do (I could keep coming in that often if I wanted, but at this point, we are fine with moving back to the regular schedule) Hearing or seeing that heartbeat every couple weeks was a great comfort and I couldn't be more pleased with my medical care.  (A different topic for a different day: our society seems to have developed a distrust for doctors, a belief that they are in it for the money or don't truly care about their patients' needs - that may occasionally be true, but in reality, I feel that there are far more good physicians than bad ones. My experience has been that these men and women do really want the best for their patients.)

God has weaved sweetness and redemption throughout this pregnancy.  A huge example being that on the week our first baby (lost at 12 weeks) was due, we had our 12 week appointment and saw a healthy heartbeat and an active little baby. Passing that milestone brought joy to a rough week.  I read the book  Bittersweet in February right after our loss - and now I feel keenly aware of how bittersweet life really is, full of hard and good, all mixed together.

This weekend, my pregnancy will "turn 17 weeks."  I have a tracker on my computer that says I am currently (at 16 weeks, 5 days) 42% through with my pregnancy.  That seems like it is moving really quickly - and at the same time, it seems like it's moving quite slowly as well.  Quickly because I am just starting to look pregnant (and not just chubby) and because we just announced to family and friends over the past few weeks and to social media last week! Slowly because it feels like I spent months and years and decades feeling like crap, so how can I not be closer to my due date yet???? Still a long way to go!

13 weeks

14 week bump

16 weeks

How Far Along: 

Just shy of 17 weeks!

 Baby Size:

At 17 weeks, baby is the size of an onion - 5.1 inches and about 6 ounces!

Maternity Clothes:

I am MOSTLY in maternity clothes, probably started wearing maternity clothes between weeks 12 or 13 - although some are still too big for me - and I do mix and match the maternity pieces with some of my regular dresses and tops.

This is personally an irritating subject for me.Women love to brag about how they didn't need maternity clothes until later on in pregnancy, how they didn't show that early, etc.  One girl recently told me that she doesn't need maternity clothes because her clothes still fit. She can even wear her jeans with the "rubber band" trick.  LET ME CLARIFY - if you have to use a rubber band or belly band, your clothes don't still "fit".  If you live in loose tops and leggings but can't wear a pair of jeans, then your clothes don't still "fit".  That's totally fine that you choose to do these things in the "in between" time when your clothes get tight but maternity clothes seem big, but don't play it off like you still fit into your skinny jeans!

I am in an office environment so normally I wear a LOT of fitted pants and skirts M-F. No leggings or loose tops, etc During weeks 12 and 13, when those started pulling and looking too tight, I skipped past the belly band and rubber band stage and went straight to maternity clothes (luckily I had several pieces already thanks to my sister's hand me downs and to my mom hitting up a GAP sale) It's just a preference - some prefer to make their regular clothes work a little longer, but I thought - I have pants that will fit - or pants that I have to tie with a rubber band? hmmm, I will just go with the pants that fit!

Sleep:

Not too bad.  I just have needed a LOT of it!

Movement:

Not yet. Occasionally, I feel like I have a "flutter" but I won't call it baby movement til its CLEAR.

Best Moment The Past 17 weeks:

So many good moments - finding out we were pregnant again and sharing with our families.  Making it past the 12 week mark (when we lost our first baby). Entering the second trimester!Finding out the gender. Naming her. Announcing our daughter's arrival to friends, family and social media!

Food Cravings:

Not many cravings, more aversions!!  First Trimester, all I could handle was carbs - and I liked COLD things. Now I crave sweets a bit more. During week 14 - first week that I was back to eating beef, I wanted burgers!

Food Aversions:

First trimester, I did not like most meat, cheese, anything spicy or with flavor, ice cream (too rich) I still have aversions to some spices, seafood, meats and veggies - but not all!

What I Miss:

Am I a lush if I say alcohol?  Also I miss raw sushi!

What I Am Looking Forward To:

Getting past 20 weeks. Looking pregnant instead of FAT! Starting her nursery!

Milestones:

Making it past 12 weeks, Making it to second trimester, finding out the gender!

Pregnancy Symptoms:

First trimester: bloating, cramping, lots of nausea, fatigue, some heartburn (occasional), headaches, a little acne.

Newest symptom: ITCHY SKIN! Round ligament pain. 

Gender:

A sweet baby GIRL!!! (we paid to do a gender ultrasound at 14 weeks - TOTALLY WORTH IT)

Weight Gain:

4-5 pounds (BTW, don't think I will always tell you this)  

Baby R: The Rest of the Story.....

Baby R

For those who don't follow me on social media, we have some exciting news.....

WE ARE EXPECTING!!!!

We announced from Paris, stating that our little French getaway turned into a babymoon since our daughter, ANNE DOUGLAS, is due February 2016!!! 

We are so thankful for this good gift and for the Giver!!

Parisian announcement (excuse our windblown hair - we had just be to the top of the Eiffel Tower)

I am 16 weeks, 2 days pregnant, and feeling pretty well.  The first trimester was rough, but thankfully, that sick time has mostly passed.  I hear 3rd trimester can be difficult for other reasons (it's hard getting around when you are so big!) so I am soaking up the magical 2nd trimester with less sickness, more energy, and a belly that is slowly growing into a baby bump so I don't just look chubby.

So far, I have had very few cravings but a ton of aversions. I have enjoyed slowly adding some foods back into my diet over the past few weeks.  I also was very tired, but the positive part of being early pregnant during summer is that friends are in and out of town due to vacations and holidays and August recess, so there are fewer plans and meetings and obligations. Dave and I spent a lot of time at home watching movies and reading books. He was a trooper and handled most of the dishes and a lot of the cooking.

15.5 week bump last week at Versailles 

We chose to do an elective ultrasound at a private clinic before we went to France - and I am so glad we did. It has been fun knowing and celebrating our daughter, calling her by name, and picking up some french goodies for her!! Best 120 dollars I have ever spent!

In the coming days, I will share a bit more about pregnancy and our sweet daughter's name. But, until then, I just wanted to share our wonderful news and ask for prayers for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby! Thank you for rejoicing with us!




The first "Baby R"

In February,  we lost our first child at 12 weeks, right before we announced.  Although I have not hidden our miscarriage from family and friends, I have been slow to share publicly as we grieved and begin healing.  However, I always knew I would one day share about our first baby! I wouldn't want his or her life to go unnoticed.  Also, 1 in 4 women have a miscarriage and I am thankful for those who shared their stories with me. Hopefully, starting to share a bit about my story will provide encouragement for other women as well.

It would feel weird to introduce you to our newest baby on the way without sharing with you about this first little soul. It is bittersweet as we prepare for our newest blessing. As thrilled as we are to meet our daughter, the reality is that her little life only exists because another life was lost.  Both children were wanted - and both children are dearly loved, so I can't just announce sweet Anne Douglas without announcing her sibling. We are, however, incredibly grateful that we have a God who brings beauty from ashes and restores what was lost.

It breaks my heart that we don't know much about our baby. Was it a he or she?  (I think baby R #1 was a boy, so I will refer to our first baby as a he, but that's just a mother's guess!) Would he have grown up to be an athlete? Would he have been musically talented? Would he love animals, fishing, time outdoors? Would he grow up to be a farmer or a teacher or a doctor? Would he be stubborn, hard working and serving like his father? What he be outgoing, sensitive and loyal like his mamma? I bet he would have had his daddy's blue eyes and I think it's a fair guess that baby R would be tan.

I suppose being parents to this little one for 12 short weeks gave us our first real glimpse at parenthood.  We know so little about who our little baby was, but we loved him so - without any other reason except that he was a child of the Living God and that he belonged to us.  I know I will feel this way about all my babies, but I think this unconditional love was first felt with this one.

Here's what we do know about our baby. He  hated Mexican food (which made mamma sad as I love Mexican and missed eating it) and  also disliked public transportation - the metro made me sick! Baby R liked Christmas (because he only started making me feel sick afterwards)  Baby R was quite popular and well loved by grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends.  Baby R was a bit of a fighter, full of perseverance. Most miscarriages happen earlier in pregnancy (only 2 percent chance of losing your baby at 12+ weeks).  Despite whatever genetic abnormality or challenge this little one faced, he hung on for awhile. That little fact makes me proud as his daddy and I are both fighters, so I think he inherited that quality.

On a more serious note, here are some other things we DO know about our first child: He never knew pain, only love, comfort and warmth. He never knew heartache, hurt feelings, loss or rejection.  And, most importantly, on his birth day, the first person Baby R saw was Jesus!  And, oh, how I selfishly wish it was me he saw, but the truth is, he saw something better, someone better.

We still grieve the loss of this little one. Walking through this trial has been difficult, but I am grateful for all 12 weeks, 1 day of being mommy to our baby R.  Even with morning sickness and a chubby growing belly, it was worth it.  I wish we had been granted more time to get to know this sweet child here on earth, but what a comfort that because of the Gospel, we will have eternity to catch up.

So far, God has blessed us with two wonderful children (and we pray for more) and we are thrilled to introduce you to both of them. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

August Book Reviews

August Readings and Reviews

Hi y'all. I am leaving town tomorrow (Hello, France, Here we come....) but I wanted to check in and do a few book reviews before we head out.  I am currently almost finished with The Fringe Hours and plan to read a book or two on our trip - so I will have one final summer book review post once we return.

I have so much to say about The Fringe Hours which I will hold off until I finish - but the key point is that women need to find time to use their extra little pockets of time in ways that help them de-stress, get more done and do things they loved.  There is so much that I need to improve on with properly using time, but the one thing I realized that I recently do well is using my fringe hours to read (18 books this summer so far).  I love reading but in past phases of life (law school, etc), it was the first thing to go. However, this past year, I basically decided that I was claiming some reading time for myself.  I squeeze reading into my metro rides, waiting in line, a few minutes at lunch, drying my hair, etc.  My kindle and kindle phone app have helped me to be able to read on the go.  I still love good old fashioned hardback or paperback books, but I do encourage my kindle - as it truly does make reading anywhere a bit easier. And squeezing in that extra reading makes me much happier.

Same disclaimer as previous months: I am not a literary critic or an English teacher. These are just my humble opinions so take with a grain of salt.  Also, some books are more challenging and some are easy light fluffy reads. (don't we all occasionally need some fluff?)

You can find my entire Summer list here, my May/June reviews here and my July reviews here.


What I read in August.....

The Right Thing by Amy Conner

Rating: 2 stars

 This is one of my least favorite books I read this summer, which saddens me as I was so excited about it.  The main character in the book states that sometimes the responsible thing to do is not the right thing to do. While I agree that in such cases, this statement could be true (IE, the responsible thing to do would be to follow Nazi orders but the right thing to do might be to hide Jews; the responsible thing to do might be to follow down the path your parents chose for you but the right thing might be to start a non-profit or pursue an acting career or start a restaurant, etc), I found that its application in this story was way off.  The main character thought that the right thing to do was sleep with another man and leave her husband.  Although I enjoyed the dialogue and references to Jackson, I think the viewpoint that the southern wife and mother lifestyle was so oppressive that a woman should do what it takes to get out (even if it hurts others) was a bit misguided. Also, I felt like the development to the ending was a bit off.

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Rating: 4.5 stars

I loved this book. I see why it got rave reviews.  The book focuses on the stories (starting during childhood) of a young blind French woman and a German orphan boy.  They both end up in St. Malo, France during WW2.  This is their individual stories and then the story of how their lives overlap. Fair warning: This is not a happy book. You will see the good in humanity and there are happy parts, but it doesn't wrap up neatly and not everyone survives. I loved how it reveals the complexity of the war. It's easy to see all Germans as bad and all Allies as good, but that's not the case.  Some people were thrust into a war they never wanted to join.  A lot of evil went on during that time, but so did a lot of survival and forced compliance. 

My one complaint with this story is that it starts out slowly, so it can be hard to get into at first, but by the end, you can't put it down. There are a TON of chapters (it's a long book) but the chapters are short so it's easy to wrap up a chapter or two each evening or on the metro ride to work.

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

Rating: 5 stars

This may be the best book I read all summer. I loved it. Absolutely adored it. It was another French WW2 book - but it was a book that focused on the "Women's War" - and how two French sisters go involved in the resistance in very different ways.  It's also a story of forgiveness, redemption and healing in broken family relationships. The book involves love, survival and loss....and I seriously fell in love with the characters.  Also, although there were no perfectly happy endings, I felt the story wrapped up a bit better than All the Light We Cannot See.  I think both both books are excellent reading.

The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

Rating: 4.5 stars

I read this book in between my heavy WW2 books - and it was a welcome break.  It is about a scientist with Asperger's (who doesn't realize it, at least not in the beginning) that creates the "Wife Project" to find a suitable mate --and in the process, meets a girl (Rosie) that is all wrong for him but has her own project "The Father Project" where she tries to determine who is her biological father.  He eagerly jumps in to help her - and the two develop a friendship and maybe a little more.... I think the book shows that relationships (whether love or friendship) can't be based on what seems good on paper. Sometimes the people that are the best for us are a bit different than us!  This is entertaining and a light read!

Forgotten God by Francis Chan

Rating: 3.5

This summer, we did a little something different for our Small Group/Dinner Club.  People were going to be in and out but we wanted to still meet. So, we did various video seminars/talks instead of an in-depth study (so no weekly homework) . We also picked a book to read over the summer and discuss at the last summer meeting.  That book was Forgotten God.  I must admit, although I read this book, I read it on my Kindle - and I feel like a good in-depth challenging book like this one needs to be read in traditional book form with a pen or highlighter in hand!

The book is about the Holy Spirit, the person of God that most Christians know the least about. His presence is everywhere in my life - but I rarely acknowledge it.  I grew up in a less charismatic tradition - and the author points out that although it can be wrong to always assume you feel the Spirit's leading, it can also be wrong to never look for the Spirit's leading (many more traditional churches often fall into this problem).  Also, the point that hit me most is that we often are focused on where we think the Spirit is leading us for the future (should I be a missionary? go back to school? move? adopt?) that we miss how He calls us daily.  I plan to reread this book a little more thoroughly --and maybe take some notes!

What I have read/still have left to read: 

Book Club Books 

1. The Stranger by Harlan Coben

2. Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan (and *possibly* the sequel, China Rich Girlfriend)

ADDITION: Eight Hundred Grapes by Laura Dave (my July book)

Home and Marriage

3. The 7 principles for making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman

4. Eight Twenty Eight by Larissa and Ian Murphy

5. A Beautiful Mess Happy Handmade Home by Elsie Larson and Emma Chapman

Southern Fiction

6. Natchez Burning by Greg Iles

7. The Right Thing by Amy Conner

8. My Sunshine Away by M.O. Walsh

French Reads

9. Sweet Life in Paris by David Lebovitz

10. All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

11. The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

12. A Paris Apartment by Michelle Gable

13. The Loveliest Chocolate Shop in Paris by Jenny Colgan 

ACCIDENTAL ADDITION: Paris Hangover by Kirsten Lobe

General Fiction

14. The Royal We by Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan

15. Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty

16. The Girl on a Train by Paula Hawkins

17. The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

18. Paper Towns by John Green

19. The Life Intended by Kristen Harmel

20. Blue Bistro by Elin Hilderbrand

Religious Reads

21. Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus by Nabeel Quireshi

22. Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist

23. Undone: A Story of Making Peace With an Unexpected Life

ADDITION: Forgotten God by Francis Chan (We read this book for our dinner club/small group Bible Study)

NonFiction

24. The Fringe Hours by Jessica N. Turner

25. 11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative by Dr. Paul Kengor